It seems to me that everytime I talk to someone these days, the topic of marriage and significant others always seem to pop up. It doesn’t matter who the fuck I talk to. Single women I know talk about how there aren’t any good guys left, while single dudes I know just don’t wanna get bogged down by some controlling clingy chick. It got me to think about me and my long hiatus in the relationship game. More importantly, it made me think about what would I need to get married.
Obviously factors like financial stability would play a part in my readiness. However, that’s probably just an excuse I give myself to prove I aint ready for marriage. Ultimately, the reason for the disconnect is really due to the lack of understanding. Women don’t get it from a man’s perspective. Im sure I ain’t touching up on a girls perspective but ultimately I won’t pretend to know it from a chicks POV.
Let me tell you a little story kids. 2 years ago I had a gig at Williams College. Its kinda in the middle of nowhere. Anyways, I get out the train station and there is this real old dude that was hired to pick me up. And when I mean old, I mean this muthafucka saw Passion of the Christ live. He was a nice old man though. I get in the car and we start shooting the shit. He informs me that he just celebrated his 60th wedding anniversary. So I ask him what’s the secret to living with someone for that long. He tells me at a certain age, it aint about the looks or sex, he said he married his best friend.
This got me to think. In my younger years, all I cared about was if the chick was tolerable but cute. But the more and more I started dating these types of girls, I realized that even though this cute girls is pretty enough to wake up to for the rest of my life, I hated how stupid and awful her priorities in life were. Other girls weren’t much different. To be quite honest, the one significant other that I completely respected, I actually told her she was moderately attractive on one of our dates. Yea im romantic like that. But looking back at the girls I’ve been with, she was the best because I respected her and I’d like to believe she respected me.
Sure a lot of guys want trophy wives/gfs but somewhere deep down inside, I am sure chicks don’t want to be just arm candy. I mean somewhere in their gold digging hearts, they still want the romantic moments that they saw in movies, and tv shows. They want that John Cusak moment in Say Anything (Horrible movie by the way). They want that Love Actually moment. But being a trophy wife really aint about that. Sure you might get expensive gifts but alas this probably won’t make you happy. So where does that leave us?
This aint romantic. It’s just a fucking movie!
If you are a chick and saw “Aww that so sweet” to this pic, you are a dumb broad.
Well ladies I think there are a handful of things you need to understand. First of all, guys will always think about sex. I am sure even when im in my 70s (hopefully I get there) I will think about fucking a hot chick. Whether I will be able to perform is another story. We see a nice pair of titties or a nice ass and all guys will think about how it will look with their dicks in the picture. So yes in that sense, guys are superficial. We see a pretty face and nice body and bet money every guy in the room has pictured that girl naked. The point is guys are just like that so deal with it. It doesn’t mean that we don’t love our wives or gfs. It’s just the way we are programmed. And no we dont think about you when we jerk off. Thats like dressing up as yourself for Halloween.
The next thing you should realize is that deep down all guys want is a girl that they can respect. This respect doesn’t have to be from what you do, what degree you have, how you look, but rather its about your personality. Now every dude is different it what type of personality that they prefer but if the dude really respects you then you are good to go. Given that I am a bit of a misogynist, I don’t start off the bat respecting a girl. I aint proud of it but hell I am being as honest as I can possible so fuck off. This respect for the chick however is the basis of everything.
Here is an example. Lets say this pretty girl who I don’t really respect talks about her love of certain flowers, I aint gonna pay attention to that shit. I don’t give a fuck about the beauty of hydrangeas. I would mentally shut off. But if the same thing was said by a girl I respected then I would listen. I aint gonna be a botanist or anything but at least I will remember it. And ultimately that is what the chicks want. A dude that listens.
To be honest, I rarely am entertained by a girl’s story. I never went “that was an amazing story!” after hearing a chick’s story. I pretend to listen and, for the most part, the girl can’t tell my mind is wandering. The reason women complain that men don’t listen is because a lot of times we are zoning you out because your stories suck. Sad stories aren’t ever sad and funny stories aren’t ever funny. It doesn’t mean we don’t care. It means that it’s a battle that guys have to fight every day.
So what is guys romance you may ask. Well its simple. Its finding a woman that we respect and would like to live with for the rest of your lives. Sure you are going to have traits that we wont like but because of that respect, we look past things like your psycho bitchiness once a month, or your nagging, or your love for farmers markets when you still eat like shit. Point is, we will look past all that and promise to respect and love you for the rest of our lives. In the end that’s what its about. It aint got shit to do with flowers, romantic dinners, weekend trips, cards, and gifts. It has all to do with the promise of commitment.
Unfortunately for dudes, we gotta think about the perfect way to spend valentines, bdays, anniversaries. We gotta think of the awesome proposal. Not because we want to deep down in our hearts but because we know this is what you (the girls) are looking for. Guys understand it and try their best to at least get as close to your unrealistic expectations of romance. But let me be clear. Whether or not we meet your expectations in that department has nothing to do with how much we care/love you.
Lastly, it seems that women think they can change their man. And the unwillingless for their guy to change means to you that he doesn’t love you. It’s retarded logic. A lot of chicks deny that they nag but quite honestly, all of you snatches do. Let’s get this straight. You got with a dude, knowing damn well that he has certain traits that you don’t like. Now that you guys are officially a couple, you go and tell him that he needs to change certain things in their life. And when the guy objects, in your mind its because he doesn’t love you. But when a guy tells you to change certain things, its because he doesn’t understand you. If that aint selfish then I don’t know what is.
I guess that is what it all boils down to. People say its impossible to define something abstract like the concept of love. Fortunately for me, I have a definition that makes me understand and compartmentalize things. Love is the idea of being selfless to someone. Real Parents are completely selfless to their kids. No matter how much they fuck up, real parents are the ones that that give everything they have for their kids. Real couples are the ones that learn to be selfless with each other.
So what is the point of this post? The point is that I would like women to understand more from the guys pov on these things. I guarantee you that relationships will be easier if you truly understand that men and women are wired way differently. Don’t try to project your thoughts and opinions onto a guy. Just because he said something, don’t analyze every word, cadence, and tone of what was said because most of the times your implications are wrong.
