I was tired of porn so I decided to catch up on my friends blogs. I spit up my green tea reading this one.
For more awful posts check out my homie: Porno for nerds
i hate when girls come over. maybe because in my mind i’ve built my place to be a bachelor pad, free of the worlds ills (read: raging vag holes that ruin my life). but in reality, its because i dont like people judging me that i, potentially, will murder with fishing wire and a ski mask. when a mouse enters the lions den, who knows what’ll happen? this is not a confession– just a mere proclamation of affairs.
some time ago, a female friend was over to check out the place. she asks to use the bathroom and i oblige. in the back of my mind i’m thinking “bitch make it quick, i do evil in there.” she however was in there forever. eventually she comes out with my white hand towel up to her face– she’s wiping her mascara on my WHITES!
Fuck that! I hate when there are filthy random stains on my nice whites. if any of you have ever been to my place, i only care about 2 things. 1. high thread count on my egyptians cotton sheets 2. my perfectly white towels; fluffy as sin.
“BITCH! Don’t use that towel!” i yell bereft of courtesy. she looked frightened– the face reserved for the moments right before you realize you’re gonna get a blast in the face. “what kind of blast?” you may ask yourself– just ask maria ozawa.
I digress. The resonance of my outburst echoed off the wall, and got back to me. As it hit my ear drum i had the stark realization that if i admit that i’m very anal about my whites and linens there will be much more harm to what semblance i have of being a easy going joe. i can’t have my visage crumble under the precept that the truth is i love martha stewart for more than her g.i.l.f-ish wiles.
“why?” she meeked.
“uh…. cuz… uh… that’s my nut rag… your eye will get pregnant.”
in my head i was all “ha ha… yeah…. problem solved ::air five::”
8===> —— O;
the end.
