Danny’s Guide to Dudes- Lesson 3

Keeping your man happy

Ladies, you don’t have any idea how hard it is for a dude in a relationship. They have to go against their biological makeup to stay monogamous. They need to think long and hard about how to keep their girls happy with words, flowers, events, dinners, trips, gifts, etc. It is not really in our nature to be “romantic”. I put the quotation marks on the word because your idea of romance is a skewed by the shitty romantic comedies you love so much. We do these things to keep you happy to make you smile. But it seems like the give and take of this shit aint really fair trade off. All girls think they know how to keep their men happy but I doubt that yall really know.

Let me give you an example. Valentines Day is really a shitty day for dudes. Why you ask? Because the guy has to stress out for weeks/months about getting the right place to have dinner, the right flowers, the right gift. They need to get their romance game on point or they are gonna have a pissed of significant other and not getting some on valentines day might suck major ass. It has come to my attention that these days all the girl does is buy lingerie to wear for their man. What they fail to realize is, as much as lingerie is sexy, its really work to get you naked and after all that planning the guy went through he really doesn’t wanna work more. Think about this while the dude spent months figure this shit out, you can go to Victoria’s Secret and pick something out that makes you look good. The thought and preparation on that shit is not much at all.

Of course a guy will not tell you what he really wants from his gf. But if he was truly honest his list for him to be happy it might go a little something like this:

  • Shut your mouth from time to time. Especially during anything sports related. Most of the time your gossip and stories about your friends and coworkers truly are not interesting. We tolerate it because we wanna seem like we care but most of the time we don’t give two shits about your gossip. You can ask questions like what is a play action, or a 2-3 zone but that’s where talking should stop. An addition to this would be think… I mean really think something out before you talk. Me not knowing what you want to eat at this moment does not mean I don’t love you or care about you. It means you should just tell me and save me some trouble, you fucking idiot.
  • Really mean it when you say thank you. I’m serious. Let your man feel that you truly are thankful for everything he has done and means to you. The appreciation will really make your dude wanna keep on doing it.
  • Be selfless from time to time. Although you claim to be selfless to your man a lot of times it only makes sense in your twisted logic. Getting me tickets to a musical or planning a trip to farmers market is something YOU wanna do.
  • Don’t nag as much. A guy should change for you because he wants to. Not because you harp in his ear about it. He will hate you for it. Trust me…
  • Cook for him. Not something easy like spaghetti or ramen… It don’t matter if it tastes amazing or not, we really appreciate the effort.Furthermore,  romantic dinners don’t require getting dressed up, candles, and good wine. It can be done at home in sweats and shitty wine in a Dixie cup.
  • Don’t hold your vagina hostage. If you are on your period a blowjob will suffice. Yes we think about sex all the time so deal with it. Every time you wanna cuddle, every time you wanna hold hands in public, we oblige. Same should go for sex. One more thing related… Masturbation IS NOT CHEATING. Its just a guy loving himself. It has nothing to do with your performance in bed. Ive been with girls who I had amazing sex with often. I still jerked one out from time to time. Think of it as the males version of getting their nails done.
  • DO NOT ruin guys night out. That means keep the calls and texts to a minimum. Matter of fact, unless my house is on fire don’t call me at all.

Now I will assume that most girls will read this and think that it doesn’t apply. But don’t be like the average closed minded my shit don’t smell girl and really try to understand this list. It was complied to help you understand us better.