Depression
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This year has been a year of major reflection and self inventory check. I realize that yes I have a problem. Im angrier and more annoyed that usual. I have been just looking at people this year and seriously wished death on people. That is a big fucking problem. But I guess writing this shit, will help me formulate how to make changes. It’s fucking cathartic.

I have 7 of the 8 symptoms of clinical depression. That’s pretty high. But that don’t mean I am going to fucking take pills and hope shit gets better.  Life is always gonna be shitty and tough. All I’m trying to do is find my peace in all this bullshit. As I said countless times, I feel like as time progressed, everyone just got pussy-fied. No one is happy and every oneis claiming that they are depressed. People love to be blame shifting victims and that really drives me insane.

People always tell me that I must love life because I get to do what I love to do. First of all, what I love to do is not necessarily what I am doing now for a living. As of now, this is the only thing I figured that I can do that doesn’t make me want to burn office buildings down. Although Hollywood got a lot of scummy motherfuckers and I have wanted to set a few places on fire. My point is, we set our happiness on accomplishments. From promotions and salary bumps, to certain standards of your mate, and everything in between; we as people have gone all in and believe that reaching these quantifiable milestones will make you happy. Who knows if you will ever accomplish these things but even if you do, I guarantee you that you aint gonna be happy.

And ultimately when people aren’t happy, instead of just saying that people tend to go extreme and say they are depressed. It’s fucking retarded. I know I aint happy and even though I hit many of the symptoms of depression, I wouldn’t call myself depressed. Why? Because somewhere deep down inside, I have a belief. A belief that I will punch myself square in the face and wake the fuck up. Sure I want to do better in my career, and find a chick that whose crazy I can stand enough to look at every morning and be like “Even though there are days when I can’t stand you, Imma be ride or die with you sweetie.” (Very romantic, I know).  But let’s say I wont ever reach these things, that don’t mean I’m gonna go bite the barrel of a gun and pull the trigger. Fuck that. I aint going out like that.

According to a shitty google search here are the symptoms of depression:

Overwhelming Sadness

Lack of Energy

Loss of Interest in Hobbies

Weight Changes

Changes in Sleep Pattern

Irritable Mood

Physical Pain

Withdrawal From Society

Now looking at the list, who hasn’t had a few of these things. Aside from the weight changes, I currently have all these things.  Although I can’t really decide if my sadness is overwhelming or mild. People will look at this list and try to self diagnose themselves and for the most part they will have at least half of the symptoms above. Why? Because people can’t help being victims.  Lack of energy and loss of interest in hobbies? Cmon man. That’s just laziness. And there are a shit ton of lazy fucking people. Myself included. So if you are a lazy ass, you probably gonna gain some weight. So there you have 3 symptoms in one shot. Who isn’t in an irritable mood from time to time? Yea, I am more irritable than most people. Chicks that are PMSing are usually in an irritable mood. So does that mean them bitches are depressed for half a month for the next 30 years?! Get the fuck outta here. AND if you are pissed, don’t you not wanna see people? Ultimately, we need to suck it up and life live.

Why I say I hate people is because a lot of people I have met are weak blameshifting shit dicks. They do nothing to better this planet and on top of that act like they deserve the world. Life don’t owe you shit. Yes, I am in an irritable mood and I am probably gonna be up for the next 8 hours seething. But what do I know right. It’s just a depressed guy talking. Ughh!

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