Being in the Entertainment business where Hollywood gives your soul a bukkake, I have met a lot of people that I wish would get hit by a bus. Sure it’s not right to wish ill upon people but that’s just nice folks talk. If you haven’t figured it out by now, I ain’t that nice. Here are some types of people that I want to shit in their toilet tanks (AKA upper decker) everyday:
1) Delusional Folks
There are lots of folks in this industry that think they are the shit. I mean I am all for being confident with your art, whether its singing, rapping, comedy-ing, film making, designing, programming, and whatever else you do for a living. However, there is a fine line between confidence and about to get a beat down. That line is there to let you know you shouldn’t cross it not to long jump over that bitch.
You ain’t that good muthafucka. If you were you would have already been discovered and making enough money to wipe your ass with a Grant or at least a Jackson. Sorry, I don’t know the pictures of any other countries currency. But the fact of the matter is, there is someone that will always be better than you. So sip on some of that humble tea laced with 3 table spoons of shut the fuck up.
There are a lot of people around me that call themselves actors, comedians, models, film makers, etc. Here is a message to them:
· Just because you did some student films and took some acting classes don’t make you an actor. Just because you did a short film that somehow made it to some shitty film festival, don’t make you an actor. So don’t go telling people you are an actor if you aint even on IMDB. If you are on IMDB make sure more than 1000 people have seen the project. If not, go work on your craft some more.
· A good buddy of mine, who is a very successful comedian, once told me, you can’t consider yourself a comedian unless you have at least 50 shows under your belt at a comedy club. And if you consider yourself a Youtube comedian then stop reading right here and go take a gun and shoot yourself. In my opinion, stand up is one of the hardest art forms. Sure I don’t know how to sing or draw so I aint too sure but stand up is fucking tough. You have to make the audience laugh every time you are on stage. Which may seem easy but it really isn’t. Just because you did well at an open mic night where a ton of your friends came don’t make you a comedian. Remember that when you bomb a set and feel like committing suicide.
· Just because you got a profile on model mayhem don’t make you a model. Just because you posed for a clothing line that sells 20 t-shirts a month don’t make you a model. Just because you think you are pretty and go to “casting calls” don’t make you a model. Also remember you aint gonna look like that for too long so you may wanna figure out a new profession.
· Don’t think that your 3-5 minute short film is the best thing to be put on film since Citizen Kane. Don’t approach actors like this will help launch them into superstardom. You probably aint that good if you are whining about not getting any breaks. So suck it up and work on your craft more before you come out again.
· To all entrepreneurs out there. Please keep the hustling and keep your mouths shut. Lots of people think their business model and brand is gonna be the next facebook, GAP, or whatever brand/company you can think of. The reality of it is, most of the times, your company wont even get close. Hell, some of yall might not even last. So keep hustling and stop poppin off. There will always be a more successful brand or company than yours. You aint the best programmer, designer, tshirt maker, clothing line, so be humble and shut the fuck up.
I AM NOT TRYING TO KNOCK ANYONE’S HUSTLE. Don’t get me wrong… If you are in these industries and you are doing your thing, more power to yall. All I am saying is that keep your head down and be humble. Confidence is ok but don’t act like your shit don’t smell.
2) Name Droppers
I fucking detest these cum stains on the bedsheet of life. I don’t give a fuck what your “famous friend” said the other day. I don’t give a fuck who you are close to. Most of these name droppers talk a big game. “Oh, I can get you into contact with this “FAMOUS PERSON”. I am sure he can help you with your career. Yall will get along great.” I have been told some variation of this about 100 times in my life. I have yet to meet that person. Most folks that name drop do so because they want to show that they are connected and cool. You aint that cool. So instead of telling me stories about an epic night with a star, and tell me how close you are to those people, why don’t you do something cool.
I am not sure if I wrote this story on this site before but here is the type of shit I go thru often.
I met up with a friend at a bar. He was there with some of his homies. So I go say wassup to my boy, and he says, “Yo my friend here is an actor. Yall should connect.” So I say wassup to this dude. “ I go so you are an actor. What are you working on?” This vessel of shit says “I don’t know if you have heard of him but I am working on a project with Harvey Weinstein.” I wanted to Tiger Uppercut this dumbass.
There are some people that name drop people that aren’t famous or powerful. WTF! They should be set on fire. This one guy name dropped an Asian Party Promoter to me once. I almost spit in his face. I HAVE NOTHING AGAINST PARTY PROMOTERS. I am friends with quite a few of them. But please don’t tell me you can get me into an Asian Party at some club in Hollywood. Save that ticket for a 21 year old chick that still thinks its cool to order an Adios Motherfucker.
