OPERATION FUCK YOU MARLBORO REDS!
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For the past decade, I have been what you call an excessive smoker. On a slow day it would smoke a pack a day. There have been many days when I crossed the two pack mark. The point is I am what you called hooked.

I’d dust all these in 3 days…

Sure I know its bad for me. And there have been quite a few people that have told me I should stop. And to be quite honest, I don’t look back and feel thankful to them. They are still fucking annoying. You think I don’t know this shit is killing me? You don’t think I can read the warnings and see them commercials with the chick sounds like Howling Wolf with the hole in her throat? I knew from the very start that cigarettes will fuck me up good. Yes, I have smoked the cigarettes from Canada where they got pictures of fucked up lungs and dead babies on the cover. And yes I looked at that pack the whole day still smoking.

Canadian Cig Packs. Me Thinking Damn foo! Brush yo teef!

My point is, maybe it was my belief that I wouldn’t do it forever. Maybe I stupidly thought that I can shut it down. I knew from the very beginning that giving this shitty habit up would be tough.  The real reason why I am quitting is that I have felt the negative shit from a constant cough to shortness of breath. Now, that I realized maybe I aint invincible as I once was, I guess its time to lay off this one vice that I loved.

But it leads to think about all these “healthy people”. These people that watch what they eat and exercise and all that other horseshit. I am sure you care about me and would love to see me be healthier. Blah blah blah. But let me explain something to you. I am happy that you chose that healthy lifestyle but don’t try to shove the bible of healthy living down my throat. I know that eating kale from time to time, and running a few laps around a track from time to time, and not doing meth are all good things that everyone knows are good habits to live by.

The part of healthy people that annoy me is that it seems like they are showing off. Like they are better than the people that live like shit. And not only do they think they are better, they try to evangelize the gospel of p90x or the gospel of raw foods and juicing. “You should try (insert terrible tasting food), its not that bad” Trust me, a tofu link will never ever be better than a regular sausage link. I am willing to bet money that a regular bratwurst will always taste better than its healthy substitute. So fuck off with your ”my lifestyle is better than yours” mentality.

But back to me not smoking.

It hasn’t been thaaat bad. Basically, its like a 3 minute battle 20 times a day. I miss waking up and smoking a cig while taking a shit. Or smoking after a nice hearty meal. Or smoking while being drunk. Or smoking after sex. Actually the last one, I haven’t done that in quite some time. Its been a slow year.  The only thing that really helps is me telling myself “Yo quit be a fucking pussy! You think you gonna do anything great when you cant even quit smoking? So fucking man up and quit this shit.” Yes I say that to myself quite often and if you don’t know, calling a guy a pussy will make him do damn near anything.

I originally thought that I would quit smoking as my new years resolution of 2013. Then I realized I fuuuuuck that. I have a lingering cough. Cigs are fucking expensive. And hell might as well get a head start on this bullshit.  So here is to me telling my addiction, go fuck yourself!

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