1) Rude Homeless People…
I have nothing against homeless people. Being homeless can happen to anyone and honestly I just see that as people that got dealt a shitty hand in life poker. However, I am a proponent of people being knowing their place in life. And being a bum means you gotta wait a bit longer than most folks for benefits
One day I went to downtown LA (the California state capital of homeless folks) to pick up my buddy. Being a dude that lags like the internet at the shitty café that I am in, I was parked infront of his place. I didn’t leave the car because I didn’t want one of these dirty smelly muthafuckas to ruin my day and ask me for change.
After about 10 minutes of waiting, a homeless man walks up to my car and knocks on the window. Being a complete idiot, I roll down the window and he asks for some change. He was definitely a bum. His dirty level was at code red. Anyways, I open my ashtray/coin receptacle and get a handful of change.
I put about 1 dollar worth of change into his hand obviously without touch the hand because I am afraid of AIDS. When he saw a bunch of pennies and nickels in his hand, he looks at me and then throws that change right back at me.
I was furious. I wanted to get out to car and kick his no future, hepetatis having ass but I was so shocked at his asshole move that it took a little while to process in my dome. If you are wondering I have actually kicked a homeless person’s ass before so that’s not beneath me. Back to the story, this dick head of a bum ran off into some alley to do bum things like take a shit on himself.
I was fucking incensced and my friend got into my car. I was like yo I gotta go home for a bit. He asked why. I told him I needed to take a shower.
2) Lindsey Lohan
I rarely call women cunts. Even I have limits. But Lindsey Lohan is a fucking cunt. A dirty sloppy retarded cunt. How is this freckled non contributing zero even relevant? Ok she was hot in Mean Girls but that’s about it.
But she seems to be on the news about her alcohol problems. How she is being mistreated in jail. Its fucking Jail you are supposed to be mistreated and raped in the shower. If jail was a cake walk, I’d commit a shit ton of crimes and get caught on purpose. And it always on the news. Just let her get her teeth kicked in there. Let her have a nervous break down.
She is a prime example of being a product of 2 fucktards. Jizz bucket whore of a mother and douchebag fucktard of a father. They mixed their X’s and Y’s and out came this fucking terrible human being. In words of one of my heroes, “She is a cunt that came out of a cunt’s cunt.”
Lock this retard up and don’t let her out til she figures out how to be a decent human being.
3) One Uppers
Out of many examples of people that are socially retarded One Uppers are the ones that I wish get hit with a lead pipe filled with (insert bad horrible disease). You know those fucktards that always want to shift attention on them. I guess I could have said they were attention whores but I felt like being redundant so fuck you.
Anyways, so I have been dealing with a terrible case of insomnia. I just can’t sleep to save my life. Well I was at a bar with a friend and some other acquaintances. My friend asked me why I look like shit. I told him its genetics but also because I only slept 4 hours. Some dickhead sitting near me said dude I slept 3 hours yesterday. I am fucking tired too!
I wanted to be like I don’t give a rats ass about how much mana you got left in your stamina bar. So drink your shitty beer and leave this fucking conversation. But I didn’t because it was a time period where I tried to be nicer in general. That actually lasted 3 days btw.
To all one uppers, I know a lot of times your douchebaggery comes unintentionally. I have studied you fuckers and I realize sometimes your retardedness is embedded so just know this, when you say something to me and I don’t respond I suggest you duck. If not you gonna catch a fucking Tony Jaa Ong Bak elbow to the face.
4) Name Droppers
The second category of socially retarded people are the Name Droppers. I might actually hate these fuckers even more than One Uppers. Name Droppers usually are people that just have no clue on how to talk to people. So they start dropping names to seem important but in reality they just seem more retarded than normal.
Being in the entertainment industry, I am constantly subjected to these assholes. For example, I was talking to some chick. She was terrible in conversation and her only saving grace is that she was cute to look at. I wish she had a mute button though. So I asked her what her plans were the next day. Her reply was, “Oh I have lunch plans with John.” Since I didn’t give a flying fuck I said “oh cool.” Her next response was “oh you know. John Cho.” I responded “No fucking way! He is like the Messiah of Asian American Acting! Holy fuck you are so lucky!” Her ability to pick up sarcasm is similar to Stevie Wonder’s ability to read. She was like “I know I am excited.” Look I have nothing against John Cho. Seems like a cool guy. My only thing is that I don’t like people who name drop.
For all those people that are interested in the entertainment business, name dropping will not get you anywhere. That’s what Dave Chappelle told me.
5) Mean Ugly Girls
I don’t have anything against ugly girls. I mean that’s genetics. Totally not your fault. But you being a complete bitch is definitely your fault. Girls should think of their traits like putting together a fantasy basketball team. If you aint doing so hot in the looks department, you better pad up your stats in the nice personality caterogy. Or you better give amazing head. Here is my point. If you suck at everything you might not get picked up.
The trolls might say “who says we wanna get picked up.” Right because living single for the rest of your life and have a ton of pets is rewarding. Shut your ugly faces and be fucking nice. Cuz you are playing some terrible life poker.
I guess guys are lucky in that sense. They have the money factor. No matter how rich a girl is, if you are busted, that wont get a dudes dick hard. It just won’t. A lot of guys say they would fuck Oprah but at the end of the day Steadman must really like that ugly broad.
6) Older Folks at Don’t Act their Age
I think its cute when you are a 70 year old grandma and trying to be younger. I have no problems with that but I don’t like it when 30-40 year olds are trying to act like their college years. Its fucking ridiculous.
I don’t have any problems with the 30-40 year olds partying and drinking. That is completely fine but act your fucking age! Like the 30 year old chicks that used to get attention when they were in their late teens to early 20s. I fucking hate it when they to act like they still got it. You don’t. The shit you got away with in your 20s overlooked because you were cute. Now you are just a bunch of sad wenches that are trying to relive the glory days.
Same goes for the guys. What the fuck is the point of you trying to drink and start fights when you are close to 40? Its ridiculous. Recently some older retard started talking like he was the shit. This muthafucka 1) was never the shit 2) will never be the shit. He was trying to show off like he still got pull because “back in the days” he used “run shit”. Get the fuck outta here with that nonsense. You are like Al Bundy without the funny tv show.
Then there are the 40-50 year old folks that are rocking the Ed Hardy and Affliction shit. Yay, skulls with rhinestones! So pretty! Fuck off dip shit and get your ass to Banana Republic or Brooks Brothers.
7) Ultra Feminists
I respect women. I really do. A ton of them are brilliant, sweet, blah blah blah. But there are these super omega ultra feminists that don’t necessarily fight for equality of women but only on issues that benefit them. I have a humungous problem with that.
If these feminist want equality then let it run across the board. Let it be ok for a dude to knock a chick out from time to time. Lets just put it this way, if for one day it is ok for a dude to hit a chick, there will be a lot of raccoon looking bitches the following day. I don’t think its right for a man to hit a woman but again im saying if you wanna be equal then let it be okay to get knocked the fuck out.
