So I took my then girlfriend to a romantic getaway in Palm Springs. We get there and things are good. We have a good time. Great dinner. Messing around in the resorts hot tub, then we go to the room for a lil boom boom. So we get going with the foreplay. Everything is going great. Then she stops me and says, I haven’t had my period for 3 months. WTF. How is she going derail the dick train like this? She could have told me this I dunno, about 2 months ago. So at this point, I just threw out a suggestion that I didnt want to do. I asked, want me to get you a pregnancy test. As soon as I finished my question I knew this was a bad idea. She tells me yes.
Its about 3AM now. I wanted to kill myself for suggesting such a retarded idea. I call downstairs and ask where the nearest pharmacy is. I am informed that it is 5 miles away. When I get to the Sav-ons I am literally in a sea of old white ladies. So I am standing in line with old white ladies who are buying ensure and denture glue. And I am there with one pregnancy test and condoms. These ladies were looking at me with pure disgust and hatred. Like they were getting flashbacks of Pearl Harbor. So I am driving back to the resort, thinking holy shit please don’t let this bitch be pregnant. Like if she was id punch her in the stomach while she is sleeping. Or kick her down the stairs or something.
So I finally get to the resort and she starts taking the test. I am praying to go that she comes out negative. First time in a test where a minus is a good thing. After 20 minutes pass and turns out she aint pregnant. After looking at the piss stick, she looks at me and says ok I am ready to have sex. How does this spawn of satan think I am gonna be in the mood after that shit? That’s trying to fuck after you finished scrapbooking with your grandma.
But I still hit that shit because you just cant turn down sex. I didnt enjoy it though. I was angry about it but hey sex is sex.
