Tales of a Scumbag #16

Crazy White People

Toward the end of my stay at my West LA condo, we had 2 white subletters. I don’t remember their names so let’s call them Whiteboy (WB) and Whitegirl (WG). So WB and WG were a dating and living together. They were pretty much the average white people. They eat a lot of Bologna-Cheese sandwiches. They were cool folks. They wanted to get a dog so they went to the animal shelter. Now our condo allowed pets so it was all good. Most of the roommates were dog lovers as well.

I get home from a long day and was in the kitchen when suddenly a fucking wolf comes down the stairs. I don’t remember what type of dog it was but it was a big black wolf looking dog. It scared the shit out of me. WB and WG named the dog Maynard.

So one day, I had to be designated driver for my good buddy/roommate Jaysn. It was his birthday and he decided to throw his party at the wonderful koreatown club Le Prive. Jaysn is the type of guy that knows a lot of people. It gets a little crazy at his birthday celebrations. This one was crazy too but for a different reason. So the night is going well and around 12:30AM, the lights of the club are turned on. Apparently the LAPD decided to shut down the club for the night because a suspect was at the club that night. Someone got stabbed the night before at the club and the retarded stabber decided he wanted to go back to scene the next day. This did not sit well with anyone in the club. Especially this really drunk FOBBY guy. Now Mr. FOBBY Guy was there with his buddies and after drinking countless shots of Crown Royal and getting kicked out of the club, decided that he is going to start insulting people, especially the big black bouncers at the club. These bouncers had to be close to 300 lbs. Well, Mr Fobby Man started cursing at them and then decided to drop the N-word. And no didn’t end it with an “A” he pretty much stuck the landing on the “ER”.

This didn’t sit well with the bouncers who bum rushed Mr. FOBBY man and proceeded to kick his ass. While this was going on, I was with my buddy Jaysn who was pretty much drunk. We were waiting for my car from the valet guys. The ass whooping spilled out onto the street right next to us. Finally, the bouncers had decided that they taught the racist FOB a lesson and stopped. They walked back to their posts as if nothing happened.

The FOB gets up and looks and me and Jaysn and in Korean asks if we are indeed Korean. We just blankly look at him and rips his button down shirt. I thought he was going to reveal some crazy ass Korean Flag tattoo or Mount Baektu tattoo on his chest but when he ripped his shirt, all we saw was pale skin. He then tells us to follow him. He was going to make another charge into the bouncers.

Mr. Fobby Guy again went to the bouncers and he knew obviously knew how to push their buttons. He once again barraged the bouncers with the N-word as if that is the only  English word he knew. This time I hear a couple of girls screaming and when I looked over, I see the bouncers pull out their guns and run after this FOB guy who knew that he should probably get the fuck outta there.

So Jaysn and I were thinking this has been a pretty weird night and it couldn’t get any weirder but we were really wrong. We get back to our place. WB walks out of his room in his boxers. I am sure he was on some drugs because he was a sweaty mess and he went to the fridge to get some water. We started telling him about the night when all of a sudden WB’s room door opens. It is WG in only her panties, sans bra. She had the pinkiest/tiniest nipples I have ever seen. She sees us, is mortified, and slams the door. Jaysn and I look at each other and think this night is far from over.

We then proceed to go to our patio to have a late night cigarette. After about 30 minutes or so, WB and WG come up to the patio as well. (WG had clothes on). They were on some adderol and probably drunk on wine. WG comes up to us and says profusely apologizes. “I am sorry you got to see my small tits. I didn’t know you guys were home. I am so sorry you got to see my small tits.” She was obviously fucked up and she kept on apologizing. We explained that it was ok and it was no big deal. As this is going on, I look to the side to see WB making out with the dog. Like tongue on tongue style. This was some crazy shit. I don’t do well with crazies around me so I decided to tap out and go to bed.

They moved out soon after and the last I heard from them, they purchased a trailer and live in a trailer park. Stay classy guys!