Tales of a Scumbag #17

Marco Polo

During most of his collegiate career, SP had a roommate (Captain Rollerhockey). Captain Rollerhockey was a very interesting character. He was of Chinese decent but aside from his small eyes and crazy work ethic, he was far from Asian. We was an avid fan of Roller Hockey, hence the moniker.

Captain Rollerhockey was very much a late bloomer in everything. When his high school sweetheart broke his heart during college, he took his first swig of anything alcoholic. He got a Zima (pansy ass) and took it to campus drank it alone somewhere on campus and got drunk. I would like to repeat, he was very much a late bloomer.

During Sophomore year of college, SP was dating this hideous girl. She was an easy lay. SP set up a date with Captain Rollerhockey and his hideous girl’s older sister. The older sister was a lot better looking. Anyways, Captain Rollerhockey lost his virginity to her. When we found out, SP (a pure jackass) opened the window to his dorm room and yelled “My roommate is no longer a virgin!” Thinking this wasn’t enough, he got on his AIM buddy list and instant messaged everyone on his list. Then he did the same on Captain Rollerhockey’s, WOW’s, and mine.

Things were good in the beginning for the Captain and his chick. She was a bit of a freak so that is awesome. Anyways, Captain Rollerhockey is blind as a bat. He has glasses that were probably bulletproof. One night, they go into the bedroom. They figured that SP was fast asleep and they begin to mess around. The room was completely dark.

This is when the chick decided it would be fun to play this wonderful game of Marco Polo. The captain was sans glasses and she runs to the corner of the room. With her high pitched voice she says “Captain Rollerhockey, Catch me if you can!” The Captain did his best Frankenstein walk toward his chick and she ran to the other side of the room and yelled that she is not there. For a few minutes this was going on, then SP (who was not asleep at all) chimes in “Uh, hey guys, I am still awake.” Man I would have punched both Captain Roller Hockey and his chick squarely on their beaks.

Unfortunately for Captain Rollerhockey, his chick was a bit of a cum bucket. She actually made out with other dudes in front of him. I would have dropped kicked (ala Marty Janetty of the Rockers) the living shit out her but he was nice. They eventually broke up and the Captain became a borderline alcoholic. I am sure he can out drink me now. I am proud of him for that.