Tales of a Scumbag #30

I have a buddy with some ridiculous game. He pulls chicks like he is trying to beat Chamberlain. Let’s call him Solo. Kinda sounds like Beavis and Butthead and an all around creep, but you gotta love this guy. Anyways Solo has a many ridiculous stories but here are some of my favorite:

99 Cent Store

So a few years ago, I head out to my buddy KSW’s birthday party. We head to a small hole in the wall drinking stablishment. I can’t remember where because I was supremely smashed that night. Anyways after bar, we ended up at a Karoake Room (AKA NRB). This is when Solo decided to make his entrance with a girl in tow. This girl was pretty good looking with a decent rack. I didn’t see her ass because that is disrespectful. So he introduces her to everyone. When I went in to shake her hand I looked at her and I had a sense that this chick was a bit off. She had a little crazy in her eyes. What transpired that night was one of the oddest NRB experiences I have ever had. And I have had a lot of em…

Every time Solo got to microphone to sing, Crazy Eyes decided that she would be his backup dancer. I was like this is one supportive bitch. The first time was cute, the fifth time I was thinking this girl is high! I understand the urge to dance to a fast upbeat song. That’s cute. But when someone starts backup dancing to slow ballads, you got a problem. That is what she did.

The night ends with like most nights in Ktown. You’re drunk, smell like cigarettes, and pretty much are guaranteed to wake up with a gnarly (yes I used the word gnarly) hangover. The next day, I had to meet up Solo for lunch so as soon as I met him I asked about the Crazy Eyes. “Where the hell did you find her?” He responds, “I found her at the 99 cent store.” I was like why the hell did you pick her up at a 99 cent store. Why the fuck were YOU at the 99 cent store? He responds “ Think about she is Korean and at the 99 cent store. She has made a lot of bad decisions in her life. She is at the end of the road dude.” I responded “you sir are fucking brilliant!”

All You Can Eat BBQ

Solo and some buddies recently went to an Korean Club. For all you folks that are not familiar with a Korean Club think of it like a normal club in Hollywood (ie filled with chinese folks) but they have a concept called booking. Booking is like speed dating. Waiters bring girls to a table of dudes. They converse and if the guy has enough game or money (game substitute) you may be able to take a girl home.

So Solo and my buddy Headright are sitting at a table and they see this chick sitting at by herself at a distance. Being a persuasive bastard, Headright tells Solo to go holler at her. Solo went over there and spend a good amount of time talking to her. He comes back to the table and tells Headright that she is a bit of a downer. Headright said “So? Go take her home you silly man.” Solo shrugged and went back to the chicks table. After some more frivolous banter, Solo takes her back to her place. I guess she was such a downer her friends ditched her.

What happened next made me laugh for 2 days straight. At her place(far as fuck), Solo tried to get cracking on the activity of making his ballsack rhythmically hit her poop chute AKA sex. But she stopped him. She told him that they will have sex if he promises to buy her all you can eat Korean BBQ the next day. She bartered her vagina for some AYCE BBQ! Solo agreed and they boned. So the next day, Solo drives the girl to Ktown for BBQ, then drops her off at her place which is far as fuck, then he comes back to Ktown where he lives. Wow!

Moral of this story is Korean Food Makes Panties Drop!