Tales of a Scumbag #15

Who threw up on my Keyboard?

Back in the dorms, my buddies (WOW, SP, YK, General Han) and a handful of other folks had the urge to go shoot pool in Koreatown (Ktown). I think there were about 10 people total that went on the excursion to Ktown. SP who frequented this pool hall said that it was cool to park in the Jack In the Box parking lot next door. He said he did it all the time. So we park 3 cars at the parking lot. When we parked, there was a security guard and we told them we were gonna go shoot pool. He said it was all good. So thinking that we were safe, we go shoot some billiards and had a good time. When it was time to go, we walked to our cars and they were not there. They were fucking towed. If I find that security guard, I swear I am going to kick him the balls 3 times.

So we started calling our other friends to come pick us up. After an hour or so of waiting we finally all had rides back to campus. We get to campus and we were completely bummed out. So the best way to alleviate this shitty situation was to drink. As stated before, I always had a shit load of alcohol in my dorm room.

So me and WOW decide to crack open some hard liquor and get to work. After a few shots, WOW decides to challenge me to a drinking contest. Not being one to back down from a drinking challenge, we started taking shots of Jim Beam (Satan’s Chode Juice). At about shot number 14, things started getting a little blurry. WOW was completely smashed and passed out. I took a couple more shots just solidify my dominance in this retarded drinking competition.

WOW lived in the floor right below mine so I figured, I could carry his drunk ass to his dorm room. So with the help of my then roommate Harry, we take WOW’s almost dead body to his room. I completely forgot that WOW’s bed was the top of the bunk of bunk. So calling on the powers of Grayskull, we put WOW on his bed. After that ultimate feat of strength was complete, we leave, closing the door behind us.

As soon as the door is shut though, we hear the loudest thud on earth. It sounded like a fucking bomb went off in his room. We open the door, again to see what happened. The fucker fell off the bunkbed. So I go to check if he is alive and to my surprise, he was completely fine. He just continued to sleep on the floor. Seeing that he is ok, we left him there. Harry and I decided to go back to our room and throw down some more liquor. I was drunk but I was very much functional. So I continue drinking and go to sleep.

When I wake up, I have a crazy ass instant message from WOW. He asked “Who the fuck threw up on my keyboard?” I was kind of confused because I was feeling the effects of 20 plus Jim Beam shots and other alcohol. To this my body replied with a nasty hangover. Anyways, I told him I had no idea.

So I go downstairs and tell him what happened last night. WOW then realized what happened from when he fell off the bunk bed. Basically, he threw up on the dorm floor. Apparently, sleeping in a pool of your own vomit is uncomfortable, so he gets to his desk somehow and passes out there. He used his keyboard as a pillow. He threw up on his keyboard in his sleep woke up and went back to his bed to sleep. WOW doesn’t drink THAT much anymore.