I am annoyed quite easily, but I tend to keep my emotions and words to myself but as a form of catharsis I would like to tell you guys what annoy the living shit outta me. These are not in any order. They equally annoy me.
Being in LA, I have met a lot of name droppers. They should all die. Look, I dont care that you are friends with someone that was in a movie. I dont care that your mom works for some famous. I was at a bar hanging out with friends and friends of friends. This dude comes up to me and says he is an actor. “Oh cool” I replied. “What project are you working on?” I asked politely (I really didn’t give a shit). He responds that he isn’t even supposed to talk about it. But he says ” I dont know if you know them but have you heard of Harvey Weinstein? Yea, he is producing it.” I really wished he would fall on broken glass.
2) Internet Shit Talking
Please look at the pictures below.
That’s all I gotta say about that.
3) People that say they won’t order anything at a restaurant but when the food comes they take some from everyone else’s plates.
I know a few people like this. They say they aren’t hungry. Really?! Then why the fuck are you at a restaurant? This is just a sign of people cheap and shady all at the same time. They are being chady. Get it? Cheap + Shady. Nevermind its late. All I know is that next time someone pull this shit, I am going to pull out leather gloves and slap the fuck out of them.
4)Ugly girls that think they are hot
Look, confidence is always great but being delusional is a problem. I aint the best looking dude in the world and a lot of you will say well you dont have the right to call someone ugly. I completely disagree. I know ugly better than most. I don’t go out there thinking I am gods gift to women. All I am saying is, if you are a female that is about 5’2 weighs about 135lbs then you aint got no business wearing low rise pants. You don’t need to be at the pool with a 2 piece bikini. Thongs are really not needed.
And if you are a busted female, you dont need to be pretentious and snobby. That just doesn’t make sense. Be nice because that is the only way someone might want to have sex with you. That and a handle of whiskey.
5)Shitting right after a shower.
This happened to me this morning and I have been in a foul mood ever since. Its like all that work of cleaning your body was for naught. Dammit! And since you came out of shower, things are a little moist and now you gotta use a ton of tp to clean out that sloppy, damp, shitty ass. Ugh! Or you gotta go into the shower again. I chose option A. Im in idiot, I know.
Before I talk about my community service events, let me start you off with a picture that made me laugh…
This past Saturday, I had 2 gigs that were of the community service, charity kind. Both were damn weird.
The first one was for this drug rehab center. I thought it was going to be like rich white folks that were into good drugs like coke but it wasnt. The event was at the dining hall of this rehab center. I get there and outside there are like 50 people smoking ciggarettes. Newports or GPCs. The room was fairly packed but these people looked like they were strung out on something. Just weird. Lots of dead eyes looking at me because I was the only asian in the building. Hell I think I was the only asian in the city.
The comic that went up after me wasnt really telling jokes. He was doing a testimonial on his problems with drugs. It was actually pretty damn good. After that, I get on stage and I was lucky that people just thought I was funny from the get-go. I swear, I was telling some foul shit and they just ate it up. I was relieved. I dont really perform before 7PM but my gig was at 4PM. The sun was out, people werent drunk. But I got outta there doing intact. After that I rolled to my next gig. Thinking that it too would be a decent gig. Boy was I wrong.
The next gig was for one.org. Its an organization that wants to stop children’s poverty/hunger. Its a good cause although I thought it was funny that a fat guy like myself is doing a show about world hunger. My buddy Walter booked me for the gig and so I figured he knew my comedy and what type of audience and setting would be ideal. Sometimes, I am disappointed by friends.
I am totally upset at the venue and setting. Walter is trying to say I am going to kill it. Asshole!
The venue was right outside a Starbucks in Fullerton. I have performed at coffee houses in the beginning of my career. But right outside Starbucks is a new thing. Its a worse thing. To make matters worse, there was only 10 middle school kids in the audience. You dont believe me?
That was definitely not the highlight of my career. Oh well, it was for community service and a good cause. But never again will I perform in front of a Starbucks!
Michael Jackson and Farrah Fawcett died today. I don’t know much about Farrah Fawcett so I really dont have anything to say about her. I have a lot to say about Michael Jackson tho.
Michael Jackson was actually the first person I liked on the radio. I remember listening to that song Bad on repeat. My parents didn’t get it. Then came the Dangerous album. That was pretty much on repeat too. The thing is, Mike was pretty much the baddest muthafucka on the planet when I was a kid. Dude could dance and by far is one of the sickest dancers in the history of performing artists.
You dont think so? Check this out:
Best entertainer ever!
Now the later part of Mike was a lil crazy. From all the lil boy touching scandals to his plastic surgeries. He was the but of countless jokes by not just comedians but also just normal everyday people. I wont lie, I had me a couple of Mike Jackson jokes in my arsenal. However, I secretly wanted to meet the guy.
No one could possibly be sane after the type of career he had. Since he was a kid, this dude was been in the lime light. And no not like Olsen twins, but many thousand times that. I am sure all this fucked him up. But then again all geniuses are usually fucked up.
I will miss Mike because he represented a big part of me growing up. You can add your Mike Jackson child molestation joke here. You can like him or not but the man is damn influential. So Mike, if you are reading this, you will be missed.
Today we shall talk about natural born hustlers. Among my friends there are some crazy ass hustlers. A hustler is someone that lives, breathes, and sleeps their work. Not only that though, they are the types that usually work 10 times harder then everyone else. They usually dont get paid by the hour like corporate america or whores at an asian massage parlor. Here are some of my hustlin buddies that inspire me:
Hustler # 1: Far East Movement
These guys are the hardest working people I know! If you know anyone that works harder, I’ll give you a dollar. I have known these guys from quite some time. Hell, I booked them for a gig when they started out. It was a terrible crowd. Terrible sound system. It was at a CHINESE Restaurant for shit sakes! I am so sorry guys for putting you guys through that.
Anyways, these guys are the fucking natural born hustlers. Proh, J-Spliff, NevNish and DJ Virman are doing it big now. They are on constant rotation at clubs and radio stations all over the country. Sure they will get their fair share of haters. I have heard people say, they arent that good, etc. I tell these folks, get some songs on the radio first before you start to talk shit. Do 5-7 shows a week before you open your blowhole. Do shows all over the country before you open your mouth. We as entertainers face a lot of haters. Especially from our own people.
Right now, FM is on tour with Epik High (Korean Hip Hop Group). I would say within the next year, these guys are gonna be major rock stars. They will have more haters along the way but as these haters are shitting on them from behind a computer screen from their shitty job, FM will be doing what they always do, hustlin.
Click HERE to check them out!
Hustler # 2: James Han
James and I were college roommates and still a great friend. He is one of the most ambitious dudes I know. He runs his own company called Pros for Pros. He realized that he wasn’t gonna be working for anyone because his employers would most likely be retarded. While “fucking around” at Pepperdine after college, he decided to start his own company. When we were in college under the influence of a myriad of things, James and I were talking about making a ton of money. Of course, we all have aspirations of have money like those douchebags on MTV Cribs. “And this is where all the magic happens” Ughh..
Anyway, James was one of the few guys that really took the notion of being successful to another level. Lots of people, as they grow older, decide that they want stability more than success. There is nothing wrong with that. But as we learned in some stupid econ class in college, you need to risk more to earn more. Dont quote me on that because I havent seen an econ textbook in 7 years and asleep for most of my classes in college.
James and I still talk and the dude is just a work horse. He gets to his own office early and then leaves in the wee hours of the night. Yes, I said wee hours, dont judge me assholes. James is always trying to expand his business and if I needed something done web related, I would call James.
Hustler # 3: Future Rockstars of America (DPD and Danny Park)
(I had to shit real bad. DPD is comforting me)
I knew DPD since his days as the Lead Singer for Nemo and Red Team Go. DPD is one of the most talented designers I know. He has worked with clothing companies, musicians, magazines and handful of other things. He is one of the heads of Future Rockstars of America. From the 5 years, I have known the guy, he always marched to the beat of his own drum (Strum of his own guitar in his case). From music, art, to conspiracy theories, DPD is some what of an expert in many fields. I once sat for 2 hours just watching him work on his computer. Yes, I had absolutely nuthin to do! It was just crazy to watch him work. With random music blaring, he was doing things on photoshop and illustrator I have only read about. I read a lot! He is a hustler for many reasons but one that really gets me is that he is talented enough to be a Creative Director anywhere and make a decent amount of money. But this dude instead decides that he is gonna just get on the hustle game and has been at it for many years. Much Respect!
(Damn we are good looking)
Danny Park, I met during college. He is involved in the Korean Students Assocation of his school. I met him at one of his parties that he threw. Oh yea, he used to own a promotion company back in the days. Anyways, when we first met, we couldnt stand each other. He said I was such an asshole. He was just too energetic and bouncin off the walls. Well, I am still and asshole and he is still hyper as ever but we are good buddies now. The thing about Danny is that this dude is passionate about what he does. We all have experienced that “Fuck this Job!” moment. Danny, on the other hand, no matter how stressful it gets or shit hits the fan, he powers through that shit. His energy and enthusiasm at first was kinda annoying but at the end of the day, you need some of that to get through shittiness that life throws at you.
All these dudes keep me in check. Like if I think I am busy and I see them, I know that I have no right to complain or whine. These guys always do it right!
Here are some lessons for the kids:
1) Be Passionate about what you do. If you just punch in and punch out every day then go punch yourself in the face.
2) Don’t let anyone get you down. Not everyone will be supportive of your endeavors. Fuck them. If you have a passion for it then go for it. But remember, you need to be passionate and love what you do. If you like picking up trash and that is your passion, you aint got no business trying to a lawyer.
3) Hustle til the wheels fall off.
This is just a rant about how sometimes you are not to fond of your friends significant others. My friends are awesome. Way better than yours. But at times, they are hitched to some duds. Now I am always trying to be a good friend and usually I am pleasant to these useless bag of bones. But the more and more I think about it, I feel like a complete enabler. I know it is not my place and if my friend’s don’t see how much of a dumb semen receptacle their GFs are then let em be. They will find out later.
Here are some things that I find that these girls have in common:
1) They think they are hot, when they are a 4.5 at best. I am all for confidence but I also hope that people are a bit plugged into reality. You ain’t remotely cute. Would I bang you? Yes because I would bang damn near anything. But then I would finish on your face because that is what we men do to women we dont respect. If you looked like Megan Fox, Heidi Klum, or any other woman that men generally dispose their pre babies on a piece of toilet paper, then yes you can act cute and hot. But if you look like the dusty asian girl that you find in a college library, then pack it in.
2) They think the world revolves around them. This is a trait is not just consistent with just some of my friends’ GFs but it is something I see a lot. In a relationship there sure will be sacrifices. Sometimes it a hobby/passion. Or sometimes its just drugs and hookers. Whatever the sacrifices are, it should be done by both parties. Sometimes I blame the pansy ass BFs that just dont have the nutsacks to tell their GFs that they are filthy and shitty creatures. Sure this sounds extreme but you know women arent all that clean. Soaking their blood stained panties in the sink. Sometimes not flushing a bloody tampon. Shedding so much hair you thought someone got scalped in the bathroom. UTIs. Gross!!!! Anyways, its not like the chicks want to change at all. They just nit pick at the BFs about what they dont like about them. I dont like that you have facial hair. I dont like that you have a lot of pubes. I dont like that you smoke cigs, blah blah blah. And most guys for the sake of the relationship just changes. But if we told the chick the same things above, they will throw a hissy fit. I am not saying that all women are like this. Its just the certain retarded cunts that apparently gravitate toward some of my friends.
There are many more things I hate about these chicks I have in mind but I shall stop this rant. I need a beer. I just want to leave with somethings that my dad has said. A man is not a man without his dreams and ambitions. Dont kill a mans dreams ladies. Trust me, I was in a situation like this and I fucking hated her for it. The second thing my dad said is dont ever change for someone, change because of someone. Ok so the translation might be off but basically he means that you change for someone because you yourself wants to. Not because someone wants you too.
On a Side Note…
There are still tickets available to my show!
Click on the flyer to buy tickets! I am excited to bring you brand new jokes!