So my good friend, ERIC (LazySwayze) had a little interview with me that turned out to be a beast of an interview. ERIC is a solid dude. Tremendous writer, decent shit-talker, but most importantly, just a down homeboy. Hit up his blog at www.lazyswayze.com.
If you are wondering why this guy is awesome, I will give you a small taste. This dude actually waxed off his chest hair on a whim. Well he was drunk too but that is besides the point. Swayze for president!
Oh and if you want to read the interview here are the links. (He cut it into to parts because too much of a good thing is bad for your health.)
So on my way from Jersey back to LA, I had to stay in the AZ for a hot second because of a wonderful layover. God I love Airports. -.- Anyways, so on my flight from the AZ to LA, I was had the window seat because that way no one can wake me up to go pee, shit or fuck in the bathroom. So I sit in my seat and look at the other people finding their seats. Secretly, I am hoping a hot chick would sit next to me. Not that I would try to fuck em but at least I can attempt. Or I can just be creepy and secretly smell the bitches hair or something. I dunno…
Anyways, a hot bitch didnt sit next to me. It was this middle age women who looked like she was born and raised in a meth lab. Something was not right with her. She sits next to me and she smelled like Oscar Mayer and Mayo. Fucking gross. She digs into her crusty ass Jansport bag and pulls out a walkman! I haven’t seen one of those in ages.
Since I am more perceptive than those fuckers on CSI:NY, I thought that this lady might be mentally off. This put me in a quite a pickle since I wanted to sleep but I couldnt because there was fucking crazy lady sitting next to me. So as we started taking off, she looks at me and asks if I want to listen to her tape. How could I refuse? Once I put on the headphones, I knew this lady was a nutcase. She was listening to radio frequency. Like if you had a shitty old school radio with a knob and you are just turning it without really any intention of finding the proper signal. After a good 10 seconds of this I gave her back her headphones and with a smile I said “Good Stuff.” She replies, its my favorite and she resumes bobbing her head.
Now as soon as I was done with this shitty experience, I suddenly hear the girl behind me cursing up a storm. She specifically said,” Those fucking assholes at the airport took away my lube. How can they let a glass dildo through but not the lube? Idiots!”
Now being a curious male, I had to turn around and look at this overt slut. She looked like the extra in a gothic porn orgy. Now you are wondering how I am so knowledgeable about gothic porn. I will just say that I have very lonely nights. So now I realize that I am stuck on this fucking plane with crazy old lady next to me, and behind me is an emotional gothic slut behind me.
Although I am always down to meet crazies so that I can write and talk about them. I was really annoyed at my luck because I wanted to sleep. I couldnt because I was afraid that the crazy one would stab me with her dirty fingernails and the whore behind me with try to jam her glass dildo in me because of her anger toward the TSA. God I hate airports and planes!
(Shout outs to MS Paint for my awesome drawings.)
This past weekend was pretty action packed. So here is a recap:
On Thursday, I had to wake up at 5am to go shoot a T-Mobile commercial. 5am! Ugh. I was dead tired but thankfully, the shoot location wasnt too far. Basically, this commercial is where me and 5 other guys are cocky basketball players, talking shit to Dwayne (Flash) Wade. No! D-wade was not at the shoot. I am sure by now you get the idea that these shit talkers have the basketball prowess of a special olympics participant. You are absolutely right. The put me in a headband, tight jersey, shorts, and calf-high socks to make me look ridiculous. Being the professional that I am, I took everything in stride. I was cocky as can be and boy did I talk some shit. I am never really excited to do commercials because it wont help me career in the sense that I will be famous for them. Instead, commercials are a way for me to stay above the poverty line for about 3-4 months. Yay for being able to eat! (more…)
I was at my friends house when my buddy Bobby Choy (AKA Big Phony) called me and told me that the Kim Jong Il E-Harmony video was the featured video. I thought he was shitting me but when I got to a computer I saw:
People started texting me and facebook messaging me. Thank you very much for the kind words. Shout outs to Arowana Films, Peachies, and DPD for the great filming and editing.
Dont worry guys, more Kim Jong Il videos are on the way.
My previous entries have been about my NYC trip and how much fun I had. But that doesn’t me I was completely not annoyed. Richard lives with a couple of roommates and one of them is a complete douche bag. He is wikipedia worthy. Let me back track a little. So whenever I go to NYC, the first couple of days, the first couple of days I spend a lot of time in the shitter. My stomach is not fully ready for the culinary assault. So without fail, I used the apartment’s bathroom with much frequency. To a point, where I used up most of their toilet paper. Since I felt bad for using up their TP, I asked the Dbag roommate if he knew where they had the extra TP. He responded, ” I havent used toilet paper in this apartment in 3 months.” -.- First of all, how does that answer my question. The second thing that came to mind is, fucking gross fucker. How do you not use tp? I guess he saw that I was a little bit bothered by his response so he says have you looked under the sink? I told him that everyone with a bathroom, would put their extra supplies there. Of course I looked first before I looked.
Since I knew this wasnt getting anywhere, I asked him where the nearest CVS is. He said its 3 blocks away. IN WHICH DIRECTION FUCKER! Man, it took every ounce of strength to not sock this dude in the throat. If you are reading this Richard’s Roommate, I hope you learn to have a conversation like a normal human being and not like a complete asswipe. Thanks…