Posted January 13th, 2010 by

After every year, people make tons of resolutions. Work out more, jerk off less, etc. The most popular resolution around me is to quit smoking. I agree that smoking is bad for you health but here are some places and times when a cigarette is amazing:

10. When you are stressed or angry

I get stressed and/or angry a lot. I sometimes wish certain people need to go run into trees or have bad things happen to them. Sometimes, it is just the workload or the things that I need to get done with the day to day life that stresses the fuck out of me. When that happens, smoking a cigarette really calms the nerves. I’d probably be arrested for punching someone’s teeth in or destroying a few walls and doors in the last 5 years but thanks to the power of the cigarette, I haven’t been arrested in close to more than a decade.

9. In Vegas

Vegas is an awful place. I say this not because I don’t have fun there. Rather, its because sometimes it’s a little too crazy. Next time you are in Vegas, go to the green door. Trust me, you haven’t seen shit til you have been there. Fucking weird place! Anyways, the great thing about vegas is that you can smoke damn near anywhere. On the roulette table, as you are losing your ass because your “lucky number” hasn’t hit since last week. At the club, you can dance with a cigarette in your fucking mouth. Amazing! It’s just awesome because if you did it in the cities where you live (outside of Las Vegas) you would get the shit kicked out of you by a security guard (black guy).

8. After a meal.

After a meal, any meal, a stogie really hits the spot. Being Korean, I eat quite of bit of soups and stews. Usually of the spicy kind. Anyways, after some soon tofu or pho, a cigarette just hits the spot. I use it for digestion really. When I was a kid, if I ate too much (which was often) I would drink a 7up for digestion. But now, I got for the good ole Malboro. Don’t believe me? Try and then email me on how much of an genius I am afterwards. You’re welcome in advance.

7. While having a meal.

This is something you can experience at home or in Ktown LA. After all these healthy conscious nut jobs took over and bitched about how they hate cigarette smoke, most cities in this country have made it illegal to smoke at restaurants. But in certain spots in Korea Town, you still can. Blame it on the fact that Korean people don’t give a shit about the law or they can’t understand the language. Whatever the case, I think it is amazing that you could smoke while eating galbi. So take that you tree hugging pansies!

6.       Underneath cover when raining

I don’t know what it is. It doesn’t rain much in LA, but when it does, I will find a random awning and light one up. I don’t even have an awning at my apartment. I will go drive til I find the nearest awning and light that bitch up. Maybe its just the mood. I guess I am some weird emo fuck like that. Whatever the case its awesome so don’t judge me.

5.  While High

It is something about smoking a cig after smoking some trees. I know I have younger kids reading this so some of you are judging me for setting a bad example but if you couldn’t tell already, I like to play that game of I don’t give a fuck. I’m very good at it. Like hall of famer status. Words can’t explain the gratitude of having nicotine go thru your system after the thc. Actually, doing almost anything while high makes it better. Aside from active things like walking, running, manual labor.

4. While drunk

Why is a cigarette so much better when you are drunk? Not quite sure really. But it is very much up there. If I am drunk enough, I can dust through a whole back in one night. I have done it and woke up the next morning thinking a deep throated a porcupine. But drunk cigarettes are dangerous so be careful. I’ve burned myself (literally) many times. I had a cigarette burn on my back once. That was fucking weird!

3. Long Plane/bus rides

I fucking hate plane rides. I am impatient and claustrophobic. Plus I am super addicted so that calls for one crazy ass situation for cross country flights. 6 hours without cig while a fat dude that smells like a homeless woman’s vagina is sitting next to me. (I don’t know what a homeless woman’s vagina smells like but I could imagine it being pretty bad. Summer’s eve isn’t readily available in skid row.) Anyways, so after a torturous 6 hours flight, I love to treat myself to a cigarette. Hell I don’t even go to the baggage claim until I get my fix.

2. After sex

I know a lot of girls hate the smell of cigarettes on their partners breath. Frankly, I am not a fan of it either. BUT after you bump uglies, it just feels great to have one. Maybe I have been programmed by the media. Who knows but after an hour of bumping uglies and your girl’s head has been a battering ram against the headboard, lighting one up is the icing on the cake. One of my former gf’s smoked cigs too. After an hour or two of phenomenal sex, we both would go out and have a cig. After the cig, we would go at it again. Damn she was so sexy.

Some of you might be wondering, how the fuck is this one number 2! Because number one is…

1.       Smoking while taking a shit.

I don’t know how many people do this but smoking a cig while shitting is the best combination since peanut butter and jelly, kobe and shaq. A cigarette is already a laxative, but smoking while shitting is just putting 2 of my favorite things together. If I could eat steak while having sex, shit I wouldn’t do anything else. Hint hint to all you steakhouse owners.

If you guys think of other places please let me know. If i havent tried it, I probably will try it out at least once. Thanks!

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Posted January 4th, 2010 by

I recently bought this hd pocket camera.  I figured I could document some of the things I do and so here is my first couple of video’s I have shot:

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I want to start a series called Why I am such a fat ass. It’s just to show the random restaurants I eat at. I eat out a lot. (Mischievous Grin)

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My Friend Lanny Joon is pretty weird. He is single ladies so if you wanna get with this piece of hot male then holler.

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Posted December 13th, 2009 by

Wassup guys,

For those that don’t know, my buddy and I wrote a script for a webisode series. I can’t really get into the details of the project but we have started shooting and things have been going great. Lots of cameos and the crew has been dope. Our last day of shoot is a club scene.

As you can imagine we had to get a space for a club. We decided since the webisode is about KTOWN, why not use the once poppin Velz. Its not called that anymore, but for one night we wanted to recreate the place that gave many of us memories.

The owners of the establishment agreed to let us use the space but, they asked us to throw a party for them to make up the business they will lose because of us. So for all yall out there please come through and party with us. The cast will be there AND lots of hot people. Trust me on this, I did most of the casting… :P

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Please come through and support this film. We have shot some of the episodes already and the footage looks amazing!

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Posted October 31st, 2009 by

Let me start by saying that growing up, I was not into korean pop music at all. When I was younger and artists like DJ DOC, HOT, and SES were around I was not a fan. But as of late, I was hooked on watching Korean Variety shows on youtube. One of the popular girl groups in Korea right now have really “tickled my pickle” The thing is, I don’t see these girls as chicks I want to fuck. They are younger than my baby sister! But I find these girls fucking adorable.  Ladies and Gentlemen, I present to you Girls Generation :

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Yea you kick those sexy legs!

Sorry don’t judge me… But I would love to hang out with these lil girls and do stupid shit like make kimbab with them and just prance around a prairie filled with dandelions.

But I have been thinking, what is up with the slutty/sexy music videos in Korea. I was shocked because I didn’t know KPOP music video’s got this hot. Here are some examples:

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WTF is going on over there. I say we go to korea and find these girls. Who is with me? I am taking applications for girls who look like the chicks in the videos above to be my gf/wife. Thanks!

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Posted October 23rd, 2009 by

Howdy Folks. Its been a long time. I am away that I have probably 5 active readers here now.  So for those five, here is what has happened and what will happen.

Has Happened:

Virginia Tech Show

First of all, shout outs to all the staff members of AASU of Virginia Tech. They were very helpful and showed me around. So when I got booked to the gig I was tripping a little because its the place where that kid shot up 32 people a few years back. I know its a sensitive issue and me having the moral compass of Hilter, I was a bit worried about my material. Should I or shouldn’t I go tell whats on my mind. Personally, I know its a shitty situation and lives were lost but to me comedy comes from tragedy.

I am a bit of an ego maniac at times and when I did a google search, I realized that I am not even in the top 3 most famous cho’s in america. Its John, Margaret and that fucker that shot up people. Honestly, I have been doing stand up for the last 9 years and even though I have done some tv work and did some youtube videos that had some popularity, what this fucker did in a few hours made him more famous than me. Fuckin asshole.

Anyways, VA Tech was pretty cool. I did an hour and 1/2 set. I even got a chance to meet some people that have supported me for a while. Thanks Jamie and Jeff for always supporting and coming to the show. I appreciate it very much.

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Jeff’s friends and family told him that he looks like me. I told him he should punch is friends and family.

Anyways, after the gig, we go to this seafood restaurant/bar/club (Yea it was gonna be an adventure). I had a few drinks with the staff grabbed a bit to eat then went to my hotel. The hotel was nice. It looked like a fucking stone manor/castle.

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This was taken by hotels.com. When I got there it was just gloomy and raining.

Anyways, at the hotel, I had to be the youngest person at the hotel. There seemed to be some sort of old people’s convention going on. Everyone I saw at the lobby had to be in there 70′s. And although I have looked at gmilf porn before, it is not on my bucket list to bang an old lady with dentures. Ughh. So that was my trip to VA Tech.

Will Happen:

One day, I had to throw a party/concert and my first idea, with the help of my friends is coming to fruition.

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TEAM PACQUIAO, CRAVE NIGHTS & FR*A PRESENTS..
Halloween Bash 2009
Philippines Disaster Relief Fundraiser

Date: Friday, October 30th, 2009
Time: 10:00pm – 2:00am
Location: Club Nokia in LA Live Center
800 W. Olympic Blvd, Los Angeles, CA

Performers:
Macy Gray – DJ Nemesis Jaxson on the 1s & 2s
Kaba Modern – MTV America’s Best Dance Crew
David Choi – YouTube Singer / Songwriter
Danny Cho – MadTV, Comedian
Jason Yang – YouTube Electric Violin Virtuoso

Special Guests:
Team Pacquiao – Freddy Roach
C.S Lee – Dexter
Leonardo Nam – The Perfect Score, The Fast and the Furious-Tokyo Drift, Vantage Point, The Sisterhood of the Traveling Pants 1 & 2
Aaron Yoo – Disturbia, Nick and Norah’s Infinite Playlist
Justin Chon – Twilight, Just Jordan
James Kyson Lee – NBC’s Heroes
and much, much more (trust us on this!)

VIP tickets will give you access to the Celebrity VIP area to meet all our celebrity guests. VIP tickets are almost sold out so pick up your VIP tickets now!

There will be lots of hot chicks. I will be there. Lots of celebrity appearance. Trust me on this, its gonna be off the chain. For tickets go to : http://framagazine.com/hb09/!

One more thing!

Funniest Story of the Year:

My buddy and I were drunk at a bar and he proceeds to tell me the funniest story I have ever heard.

My buddy KSW tells me that he got his circumcised a tad bit later than normal males. Anything after the first year is a tad bit late in my book. If you remember the surgery then it’s too late. So back to KSW’s story…

He explained to me that his family was pretty poor. Hence they couldn’t afford to do the surgery in the States. During the 8th grade, my homie and his parents go to Korea. While they were there, his mom decided that this was a perfect time for KSW to get a circumcision. KSW and his mom go to the surgeon’s place which he said looked like an “abortion clinic”. (I’ve been to an abortion clinic and it is not a fun place to be at. Just picture a bunch of teenage girls with dead beady eyes because they are about to commit murder. I am pro-choice btw) Anyways, while filling out the paper work, KSW’s mom proceeds to bargain with the doctor. See in Korea, you are used to bargaining for clothes, groceries, sex, etc. However, this mom tries to bargain the price of her son’s circumcision surgery. If someone was doing any type of work on my penis, personally, I want him to be in a content state of mind.  In Korean the phrase for please cut down the price for me is “Kkah Kuh joo sae yo” The phrase to ask someone to cut this off is also “kkah kuh joo sae yo.”

Anyways, KSW remembers getting local anesthesia and they gave him a korean comicbook to read while the doctor got to work making him less of a barbarian. He can hear the whole thing: the sound of the cutting, what the doctor is saying. After the surgery, they put a Dixie cup over his cock, and tells him to come back every week. When he walked outside the room, with a bulge in his pants due to a drinking apparatus in his pants, he realized that his mom was gone. He quickly remembered that his mom gave him subway money. Not taxi money because that is expensive apparently. That’s kinda fucked up if you ask me but that’s how most ghetto Korean moms are. So KSW duck walks to the subway station while everyone is staring at him.

dixiecupKorean version of a penis cast. I can’t find a picture of a smaller dixie cup.

He tells me once the anesthesia wore off, he was in some ridiculous pain. I feel bad for the dude. The cherry on top of this whole ordeal is that he was going through puberty at the time so he would have the stitches re-open frequently. As a guy, having a boner is an interesting feeling. I actually enjoy the sensation of blood rushing to the penis. But KSW couldn’t enjoy that sensation. Every morning sucked for him because of the morning wood. Poor dude.

He had to go back to the doctor’s office every week for a month or so. All the doctor did during the follow-ups was put baby powder on his wound and sent him back home. Oh one more thing, the doctor’s said that the stitches would dissolve after a while put apparently they haven’t. He says he has thread in his cock to this day. Poor dude and I feel bad for putting this story all in the open but its too funny to me.

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