I cant say that I am a nice person. Lots of little things that bug me. For example, if I am somewhere in a group setting, I will undoubtedly hate someone. Well hate is such a strong word but it is true. Its either that douchebag that name drops in every full sentence or the girl that aint that pretty but acts like she should be the next Meagan Fox. The thing that bugs me these days are women who think certain famous people arent pretty/hot etc. They will always say something to the effect of “if a girl is pretty in my eyes I will admit it. but she just doesn’t do it for me.”
Well 9 times out of 10 the girl saying that aint that good looking. So with my fantastic MS Paint skills I have created a simple equation to describe the situation.
Now I dont know who the girl on the left is. I just typed in Ugly Asian Girl on Google Images and her pic showed up. So no offense chick on the left. But google is smart and I just cant argue with them on this one. Anyways, my point is, the chick is damn jealous. My solution is simple girls like the one on the left. Just accept your looks and do other things that make the guys want you.
Look ladies, I have no problem saying that certain guys like Brad Pitt, Jude Law, Eric Bana are good looking dudes.
But for women I guess its always a competition. Especially if they are in a relationship. The bf is a fucktard for even asking his gf the question. “Do you think she is hot?” I think maybe the girl feels threatened. But the reality of it is, there is absolutely no way your bf will be able to hook up with that certain celebrity so relax. And even if the stars align and your man uses the Devil’s Breath drug from Colombia, your man still wont have a chance. Just admit you aint that cute and hope that you are cute in your man’s eyes.
I have been in relationships where the girl is not cute by any standards. Like put them next to Charlize Theron and 11 times out of 10 she would lose in a beautiful contest. However, the girl was cute in my eyes and that is all that really matters.
Maybe that is why girls like sex and the city. Sarah Jessica Parker looks like a fucking horse. There is no man in America that would leave his girl for her. Unless they are into bestiality.
So the point of this blog is:
Ladies, stop being dumb asswipes and just admit that a chick is hot/pretty/beautiful. It just makes you look less like a retard.
So I am gonna take a small break from the Tales of a Scumbag Series for those that really have no interest in reading. I realized that the most popular blogs are riddled with pictures and videos. My blog is lacking that aspect so here are some other forms of media for those folks that dont want to read:
Here are the funniest videos on youtube that never fail to make me laugh:
Korean Drummer
The drummer here is just ridiculously awesome. You knows those lame girls that add stupid quotes on their facebook status… ”Live like there’s no tomorrow, Love like you’ve never been hurt, and Dance like no one is watching.” Although it makes me sick when people put quotes like these for the public to see, I will take this quote to mean not to good give a fuck. Well, this guy definitely drums like he doesnt give a rats ass that anyone is looking. That is why this man is awesome to me.
Ultimate Warrior
I remember when I was a kid, I thought the Ultimate Warrior was fucking awesome. The energy, the crazy hair, the face paint, he possessed all the things I would like to see in a wrestler. Maybe it was because I didnt understand english that well when I was a kid, but his interviews always sounded so cool. But as an adult that has better grasp of english, I have no idea what this man is saying in the video above. Holy fuck! This guy is a complete crackhead. Even though my image of the Warrior has been tarnished because of this video, you are still pretty bad ass in my heart.
Indian Dude on a Show
I dont believe that a man should ever hit a woman. I mean I have gotten to points where I wanted to because women sometimes can do that. But to the Indian Dude that slapped the bitch, I would say that your that your left hook/slap was pretty fucking awesome. The thing that made me laugh out loud was him asking/yelling. “How ken you slep?” Fucking hell man, I am gonna watching this a lil more. He right before he gets slapped, he gives the chick one of those sleazy Razor Ramon looks. This video has action, tension, and woman hitting. I’d say this video has all the elements to make my day. HOW KEN SHE SLEP?
Iraqi Gangster Kid
Maybe its the music, maybe its how swole this kid is, but I start laughing before it even starts getting good. Notice the swagger. I sometimes joke around and tell kids they will not be able to survive in East LA but this kid could probably run shit. He has all the right qualities. Look when this other kid kicks the girl, Nototious IRAQI comes to save the day. Fucking awesome.
Dump Truck
First of all this is my friend’s nephew. Damn cute kid! The nose picking just adds to the awesomeness of this video. Check out my buddy at www.bigphonymusic.com.
I am sure you guys think there are other videos out there that should make this list but this is my list so if you have a problem with it them find a rusty nail and fall on it. Thanks!
So I guess this dude needs a girl.
Well, 2009 is finally here and people are breaking their resolutions already and talking about changing their bad habits of the past. Its funny that the end of the year is when most people reflect about their lives. It starts off at thanksgiving then then christmas, and finally ends at new years where people finally realize how shitty they have been. I too started thinking about my crazy 08 and here is a bit of my reflecting and realization:
Well 2008 was an interesting year for me. It is the first full year that I have been in the entertainment business full time. The year started with me filming a superbowl commercial with carlos mencia.
It was a great start of 2008 because this commercial helped me stay alive for damn near half the year! Then, came the end of a relationship in Feb. I must say that all break ups suck ass. However, you live and you learn and i guess there is a silver lining to all of that. I can say that I really enjoyed my time with her and to this day she is a very special person in my life. You might ask if I have aspirations of being with her again. My reply is probably not. I realized that I losing someone you truly care about it the worst part of a break up and quite frankly i dont want to lose this person again. In some way, shape, or form, she is still involved in my life and I am grateful for that.
Throughout 08, I was blessed to be a part of a sketch for Mad TV. Bobby Lee has been a really good big brother to me. He is an huge reason that I jumped into this business. Bobby is not only a great comedian and entertainer but I can say that he really is a good person. He helps out those that he cares about and has given opportunities to alot of young comedians. So if you see Bobby, dont just get geeked out that he is on tv but I want everyone to know that he is a damn awesome person.
There are many more but I am too lazy to find more Mad TV i have done throughout these last 2 years. Thanks Bobby for the opportunity!
Despite getting all this work, I have yet to get the support of my family regarding my career choice. For most asian american folks, know how crazy conservative asian parents are. Well, my parents are the epitome of crazy conservative. I used to have a pretty decent job. (Very respectable in the eys of all Korean American Parents). So they were not thrilled about my career choice. But I guess they know that this is what makes me happy and makes me get up every morning so they aren’t saying much.
Well back to a recap. During the middle of the year, I filmed my first one hour standup dvd. It is, to this point, my biggest show of my life. I thank everyone for coming to the show and supporting it! And get the dvd when you get a chance!
Ive met a lot of good people this year and also have lost quite a few. I guess it is a part of life and so I try to keep my big pumpkin head up and keep on trucking. Lots of people are telling themselves that they are going to bring in the new year and wish for the best but I say fuck that! Aint shit gonna change unless you yourself change. Sure the economy is bad and shitty things have happened in your lives in 08 but I strongly believe that if you people think you will sit there and wait for shit to change then I hope you get hit in the face with a baseball bat.
I too need to change a lot of things about me but I cant promise if these changes will happen. Nothing really is certain for me. But one thing is for sure, I will continue to be me as best as I can. I thank every friend, fan i have met and even the haters that have crossed my path.
The point of this post is probably hard to understand because I write like a retarded fuck but let me simplify it. 2009 is just another year. It wont get better unless you yourself changes. Dont curse 2008 because you were some dumbass that made bad decisions and shitty things happened to you. We all should take the initiative.
So I took my then girlfriend to a romantic getaway in Palm Springs. We get there and things are good. We have a good time. Great dinner. Messing around in the resorts hot tub, then we go to the room for a lil boom boom. So we get going with the foreplay. Everything is going great. Then she stops me and says, I haven’t had my period for 3 months. WTF. How is she going derail the dick train like this? She could have told me this I dunno, about 2 months ago. So at this point, I just threw out a suggestion that I didnt want to do. I asked, want me to get you a pregnancy test. As soon as I finished my question I knew this was a bad idea. She tells me yes.
Its about 3AM now. I wanted to kill myself for suggesting such a retarded idea. I call downstairs and ask where the nearest pharmacy is. I am informed that it is 5 miles away. When I get to the Sav-ons I am literally in a sea of old white ladies. So I am standing in line with old white ladies who are buying ensure and denture glue. And I am there with one pregnancy test and condoms. These ladies were looking at me with pure disgust and hatred. Like they were getting flashbacks of Pearl Harbor. So I am driving back to the resort, thinking holy shit please don’t let this bitch be pregnant. Like if she was id punch her in the stomach while she is sleeping. Or kick her down the stairs or something.
So I finally get to the resort and she starts taking the test. I am praying to go that she comes out negative. First time in a test where a minus is a good thing. After 20 minutes pass and turns out she aint pregnant. After looking at the piss stick, she looks at me and says ok I am ready to have sex. How does this spawn of satan think I am gonna be in the mood after that shit? That’s trying to fuck after you finished scrapbooking with your grandma.
But I still hit that shit because you just cant turn down sex. I didnt enjoy it though. I was angry about it but hey sex is sex.
