Posted February 16th, 2009 by

So this second part of the New York trip doesnt involve any standup shows of any kind. Instead, it involves a ton of eating and drinking. I have to give it up to nyc for the good food. So after the wonderful dinner at Rub BBQ, I hung out with my cousin Esther and her friends. First stop was Sidewalk Cafe.  We went to meet up more of her friends. Sidewalk Cafe has live music there on certain nights and I guess Saturday was one of those certain nights.  The people on stage was a band called Heath Street or something like that. Now Esther’s friend said that they were awesome and hence she wanted to check em out. As they started playing, I was thinking about punching people in the face. I dont know much about music but you gotta at least be in the caliber of Big Phony. These dudes were just not good. After a couple of drinks and 30 minutes of torture, I couldnt take it anymore and went outside. I guess Esther and her friends had the same sentiment because they bounced with me. I dont have any picture of this because well, I hate taking pictures. I guess its because I suck at it. 

After the shitty hick music at Sidewalk Cafe, Esther and Company decided to go to a local watering hole called Forbidden City. Apparently the only thing Forbidden about this place was cute girls. For those that have never been to New York, let me say that yes there are a couple of decent looking people BUT on an average they are pretty busted. AND they dont put on makeup. The good thing about this is that you know what these girls look like when they just wake up. But sometimes, I am not in the mood for the “I Just Woke Up” face. 

After Forbidden City, I met up with Richard and yes you guessed it, we went to get Hallal Food again.

chicken-over-rice

I would like to stress that this is the best street food I have ever had in my life. I would eat this every day if I could. I wonder why no one sells this shit here in LA.  Anyways, we took the food back to his place. I asked him if there was a movie he can put in because I was kinda pored and drunk. Well, he put in a movie. He put in:

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Posted February 11th, 2009 by

Well this past week, I was in NYC. It was damn cold over there. The first day I got there this is what I saw:

icyroads

Now being the spoiled Cali Boy that I am I was definitely cold. I didnt even want to smoke. The cold wind hit my face and it felt like a dull razor blade was haphazardly shaving my face. It fucking hurt! But my brotha Richard and his homeboy Royce came to pick me up from JFK. If you know about NYC, then you know it is damn rare to have a car there. After they rescued me from the shitty cold they took me to there restaurant.

neosushi

This place is awesome. I told them to get me anything that is good and they brought the whole damn menu to my table. The sushi is fresh and they got damn good sauces that compliment the sushi. Its just just soy sauce and wasabi. The hostess was pretty cute and the service was dope. But most in portantly, I ate a shit load of sushi! If you are in NYC, I totally recommend Neo Sushi! Tell them I sent you. I am sure they will treat you right.

So after killing myself with food and sake, the boys and I went to some karaoke joint. However, I didnt go in the room to sing. Instead, I sat out and ate the world famous chicken over rice!

chicken-over-rice

This shit is so damn good. Someone on my face book said it looks like dog shit and I say to that person, try it first. Dont knock on it because it looks like that. This mentality is the reason why I dont mind sleeping with ugly chicks. Sure at first glance they may be ugly as sin but they might be the best lay ever. So my message to ugly fat girls out there reading this is, ill fuck ya! yay!

I know you are thinking, didnt he just eat sushi before this. The answer to all those that are inquisitive is that yes I did eat right before. But you cant pass up chicken over rice. The combination is just $6 bucks. Warning: just because you can eat spicy shit dont mean you gotta pour on their hot sauce like siracha. Their hot sauce was imported straight from Satan’s asshole. So I recommend just a couple of drops. For information on Chicken over rice go to http://www.53rdand6th.com/

So Thursday night was a bit of a blur because I drank a little too much. From sake, to soju, to champagne.  I was unbelievably hung over the following day…

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Posted January 31st, 2009 by

I cant say that I am a nice person. Lots of little things that bug me. For example, if I am somewhere in a group setting, I will undoubtedly hate someone. Well hate is such a strong word but it is true. Its either that douchebag that name drops in every full sentence or the girl that aint that pretty but acts like she should be the next Meagan Fox. The thing that bugs me these days are women who think certain famous people arent pretty/hot etc. They will always say something to the effect of “if a girl is pretty in my eyes I will admit it. but she just doesn’t do it for me.”

Well 9 times out of 10 the girl saying that aint that good looking.  So with my fantastic MS Paint skills I have created a simple equation to describe the situation.

meagan

Now I dont know who the girl on the left is. I just typed in Ugly Asian Girl on Google Images and her pic showed up. So no offense chick on the left. But google is smart and I just cant argue with them on this one. Anyways, my point is, the chick is damn jealous. My solution is simple girls like the one on the left. Just accept your looks and do other things that make the guys want you. 

Look ladies, I have no problem saying that certain guys like Brad Pitt, Jude Law, Eric Bana are good looking dudes. 

But for women I guess its always a competition. Especially if they are in a relationship.  The bf is a fucktard for even asking his gf the question. “Do you think she is hot?” I think maybe the girl feels threatened. But the reality of it is, there is absolutely no way your bf will be able to hook up with that certain celebrity so relax.  And even if the stars align and your man uses the Devil’s Breath drug from Colombia, your man still wont have a chance. Just admit you aint that cute and hope that you are cute in your man’s eyes.

I have been in relationships where the girl is not cute by any standards. Like put them next to Charlize Theron and 11 times out of 10 she would lose in a beautiful contest. However, the girl was cute in my eyes and that is all that really matters. 

Maybe that is why girls like sex and the city. Sarah Jessica Parker looks like a fucking horse. There is no man in America that would leave his girl for her. Unless they are into bestiality.

sjp

So the point of this blog is:

Ladies, stop being dumb asswipes and just admit that a chick is hot/pretty/beautiful.  It just makes you look less like a retard.

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Posted January 25th, 2009 by

So I am gonna take a small break from the Tales of a Scumbag Series for those that really have no interest in reading. I realized that the most popular blogs are riddled with pictures and videos. My blog is lacking that aspect so here are some other forms of media for those folks that dont want to read:

Here are the funniest videos on youtube that never fail to make me laugh:

Korean Drummer

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The drummer here is just ridiculously awesome. You knows those lame girls that add stupid quotes on their facebook status… ”Live like there’s no tomorrow, Love like you’ve never been hurt, and Dance like no one is watching.” Although it makes me sick when people put quotes like these for the public to see, I will take this quote to mean not to good give a fuck. Well, this guy definitely drums like he doesnt give a rats ass that anyone is looking. That is why this man is awesome to me.

Ultimate Warrior

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I remember when I was a kid, I thought the Ultimate Warrior was fucking awesome. The energy, the crazy hair, the face paint, he possessed all the things I would like to see in a wrestler. Maybe it was because I didnt understand english that well when I was a kid, but his interviews always sounded so cool. But as an adult that has better grasp of english, I have no idea what this man is saying in the video above. Holy fuck! This guy is a complete crackhead. Even though my image of the Warrior has been tarnished because of this video, you are still pretty bad ass in my heart.

Indian Dude on a Show

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I dont believe that a man should ever hit a woman. I mean I have gotten to points where I wanted to because women sometimes can do that. But to the Indian Dude that slapped the bitch, I would say that your that your left hook/slap was pretty fucking awesome. The thing that made me laugh out loud was him asking/yelling. “How ken you slep?” Fucking hell man, I am gonna watching this a lil more. He right before he gets slapped, he gives the chick one of those sleazy Razor Ramon looks.  This video has action, tension, and woman hitting. I’d say this video has all the elements to make my day. HOW KEN SHE SLEP?

Iraqi Gangster Kid

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Maybe its the music, maybe its how swole this kid is, but I start laughing before it even starts getting good. Notice the swagger. I sometimes joke around and tell kids they will not be able to survive in East LA but this kid could probably run shit. He has all the right qualities.   Look when this other kid kicks the girl, Nototious IRAQI comes to save the day. Fucking awesome.

Dump Truck

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First of all this is my friend’s nephew. Damn cute kid! The nose picking just adds to the awesomeness of this video. Check out my buddy at www.bigphonymusic.com. 

 

I am sure you guys think there are other videos out there that should make this list but this is my list so if you have a problem with it them find a rusty nail and fall on it. Thanks!

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Posted January 16th, 2009 by

So I guess this dude needs a girl.

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