I have a friend, we will call him Bob, and he has to be one of the most Unique people I know. He is a very nice guy but he has a bit of a wild side to him. The man is kinda hooked on banging girls. You might think that all guys are hooked on it but from my knowledge, this guy is on another level.
Anyways, Bob will tag almost any chick. As long as they aren’t way gross. I have said that he is the slayer of mediocrity. Meaning if the girl is a 3-6, move out the way because Bob will go holler.
One night, Bob hit me up at 4am. He was clearly drunk and with an urgent tone he said “Get your ass over here right now!” I was thinking what the fuck is going on. But this guy is a riot so I decided to get in my car and head to his place. When I get there, I call him and he comes downstairs.
This dude is smashed beyond normal. He tells me “You are gonna get laid tonight! You can thank me later” I was like WTF is this guy getting at. He tells me he brought a couple of girls from the club home and they are big fans of my work. He says, “Dude they are good to go!” On the elevator ride up, he tells me where he puts his condoms. “You are definitely gonna need some tonight!” He hyped it way up.
As we get to the door, he goes “the smaller one is mine”. I should have known that once the door opened, to not expect really hot chicks. And yes there was a big difference from the smaller one and the other one. The smaller one had a face of an onion. So let’s call her Onion. The other one was pretty big. She was my build. So lets call her Danielle.
Onion and Danielle were kinda giggling when I walk in. I say hello and they were pretty smashed too. Bob sits next to Onion and puts his arm around her. I seat myself next to Danielle and we exchange pleasantries. I wanted to kill Bob but hey, I figure he is a buddy and I needed to fall on the grenade.
Bob is trying his best to say some cool shit to get Onion into his room. She plays that typical girl that says she aint that kinda girl but she probably has seen more dick than a urinal. So she gets a phone call so she goes into the room. Bob waits a sec and then goes into the room. This left me and Danielle alone. She offers me some scotch which I wholeheartedly accept because I figured if I had to bump uglies with the female version of me I needed to get smashed. I immediately felt sorry for all past ex girlfriends.
Anyways, within a few minutes, you can hear the rhythmic sound of the headboard hitting the wall. Danielle looks at me and asks “What do you think they are doing?” I wanted to look at her and be like are you retarded. They having sex you clueless tard. One thing that really shuts down my sex drive is stupidity. I was limper than Stephan Hawkin’s legs. I just shrug and try to keep her occupied at least until Gyodano was done taxing Onion.
Soon the sounds of the headboard and wall stopped yet I kept on hearing some moaning. I guess they decided to take it to the floor. “Are they having sex?” asked the dumbass sitting next to me. I said, “ I think so. Lucky them…” And coolly took a sip of my 4th glass of scotch. Danielle starts to scoot real close to me now. I was pissed because she is throwing heat at me. Heat not just as in, the fuck me vibes, but also body heat as in it was a thick bitch and she gave off heat. So after downing my 5th glass of scotch I was not feeling it and had to figure out a way to keep her company.
I asked so where do you live. Female Me responds, “(a city that’s far from here)” I thought even if I smashed her, I would have to take this chick to her place. She wasn’t even worth gas. I was like “Wow, how you getting home?” She put on her puppy dog eyes (more like St. Bernard) and then said that she usually calls a taxi. I commended her on her not drinking and driving and asked if she needed me to call her a taxi. She seems a bit disappointed and responds that she knows the number.
After some time passes and the movie on the tv stopped playing she looks at her watch and goes “Wow its pretty late, I should get going” I tell her yes it is. She calls the taxi to come get her and she asks if I am spending the night at the place. I tell her I am gonna leave but Ill leave when the taxi comes pick her up. She still seemed disappointed that I wasn’t gonna make a move on her. Finally the taxi comes and she gets up and I see her in all her glory. I walk her to the car and she hugs me. The sun was coming up and it was a bit cold but it was the first time a girl hugged me and I felt like I had a blanket on. Amazing!
Danielle if you are reading this I am sorry that we didn’t have sex. It’s totally not your fault, its me.
Huge guestlist is building for this FRIDAY’s show! THE BCC: THE BLACKSHEEP COMEDY CREW – This Friday, the 18th, 8pm at The World Famous Laugh Factory, 8001 Sunset blvd, Tickets are $20 but FREE on the guestlist – Send your full names (+ up to 5) to pkguestlist@gmail.com by Friday NOON! See you all at this Friday’s Special World Cup Red Tiger show!
Dear Haters,
In the past 10 years that I have been doing stand up, I have faced tons of haters. I get hate mail very often. I don’t let it bug me too much because well it comes with territory. But I felt like addressing some issues regarding some of the haters because this is my blog and I write whatever I wanna write. Also I can’t individually answer all the hate mail with my favorite line “Eat a bowl of dick.”
1) First of all I don’t really mind of you hate me or not. Everyone has his or her own opinion. So keep on emailing me. Some of the emails I get are really funny. I shall post em up later.
2) I am not some yellow panther. I didn’t start comedy or make videos with the mindset of empowering my people. Don’t get me wrong, I love my asian folks but I am not doing this for them. I tell jokes because I think its funny and its therapy for me. If I am setting a bad example in your eyes then so be it.
3) A lot of youtube comments for ktown cowboys have stated that it playing up stereotypes. To that I have some responses. First of all, where in media do you see Asians being normal people. Drinking, having fun, etc. Give me a few examples in American Mainstream media please. Go ahead, I’ll be waiting. Chances are, you won’t find a damn example. So for those people that say that, stop being retarded. Now there are people that hate because they just don’t like the project. That’s completely fine. Again everyone has the right to their own opinion. But if that is the case then go shoot your own movie that depicts Asians the way you seem right. If you hate the way asian are portrayed then write, produce, raise money, and shoot your own movie/series. Once you do that come talk to me. Let’s not be internet gangsters that talk shit behind a computer but be a doer. You can shit on us all you want but if you don’t do something about it, its not gonna change a God Damn THING for Asians in this business.
4) I would say that the majority of the hate I get are from asian people. And of those asian people the majority of them are Korean. So that means a huge number of shit talkers are from my own Korean people. I just want to let you guys know that even if every single asian in the country supported their fellow asian in the business, that still anyone means 4 percent of the population, which in the eyes of White America doesn’t mean shit. There are some asian American entertainers that really don’t give a shit about their people and I don’t think that is right either but I understand where they are coming from. They have been shat on by their own people when they were starting out so through bitterness when they get to a certain level, they may just say fuck it. Again I don’t think this practice is right but I thoroughly understand why they do it.
So for all the haters out there please keep it coming. It just gives me more fuel hustle harder.
Sincerely,
Danny Cho
PS. Oh yea, I forgot. Please go eat a bowl of dick.
So after SUNY Geneseo, I head out to good ole Northern Virginia (NOVA- as I am told it is called). I had a show at this bar there in Annandale Virginia, Cafe Noir to be more specific.
It was an interesting show because the show was not packed. I guess Sunday nights are not that poppin over there. On top of that I guess I am not famous at all for people to come to the show. Hahah. The crowd was interesting as well. Bits that I thought would work didnt. Bits I didn’t think would work did. You see, I don’t tell jokes to get laughter. A lot of times, I will tell bits I know wont work just because I like em. I know I am selfish.
Anyways, I saw some familiar faces and I was happy to see them. Since the show was at a bar. A lil alcohol was imbibed. Then I got to hung out with my boy Lyricks, who is reppin Nova pretty hard. He let me stay at his place for a few days. We got to catch up since I havent seen the puto in a few years.
All I got to say is that the Koreans in Nova have a weird affinity to ping pong balls. There was a lot of drinking, bbq-ing and good times. Met lots of cool people. Too many to name… So after a few days in Nova, I was off to Old Dominion University. Lyricks offered to drive me there so I said fuck it, why don’t you open for me. After a few emails with some folks, not only did Lyricks roll with me but his crew the Beautiful Cycle came through. I said fuck it, all yall gonna open for me.
So we check into the hotel and I call the Amber, girl who booked me for the show, and she is telling me the turn out is looking good. I was like cool. We head to campus and when I get to the show, it was packed. Packed with black folks. It was a little unexpected but I was like yo it don’t matter imma rip this shit.
Manifest, Lyricks, and JL get on stage and rip it. I get up and just started shitting on the crowd. The showed a lot of love. Thanks ODU for all the love and support. It was a damn fun show.
Shout outs to Manifest, Lyricks, JL, and our roadie for the trip Eric. Thanks Manifest for driving. Your car was falling apart man. Get some crazy glue and secure the lining on your door.
On a side note, Manifest is coming to California soon for his mixtape release show. So go to that shit.
also just for fun check out some of the mc’s from NOVA
My spring tour started March 27th. First stop was SUNY Geneseo. Its about 3-4 hours away for NYC. Anyways, I took a red eye flight on the 26th from LAX to Dulles (Washington DC) then from Dulles to Rochester (NY). As soon as I got on the first plane, I spotted a few infants near where I was sitting. I was hoping that the parents put some Nyquil in their baby formula so that they would go to sleep but things never go as I hope. As soon as the cabin door was shut, the baby closest to me started crying. The lil fucker did not stop. For 6 hrs, this lil vessel of feces started crying. I was not happy because I planned on sleeping on the plane. This did not happen and the on board movie sucked ass too. Ughh.
Anyways, I land in Washington DC at 6AM and I had to wait a few hours to get on my plane to Rochester. The good thing about Dulles is the smoking lounges. Being completely and utterly addicted to cigarettes, I find this to be a nice touch. I chain smoke for about 30 minutes because I wanted to punch the infant for ruining my flight experience.
I head toward my gate to Rochester. It was going to be a 1 hour flight and I desperately needed to sleep. When I got on this little regional plane, I was pissed to find out that the same demon seed that was on my previous flight was on my plane to Rochester. I was thinking if this little fucker even makes a sound imma put him in my carry-on bag. The little fucker did not miss a beat and started to cry. I gave the mom the dirtiest look possible. My plans of getting an hour nap was thoroughly fucked. Ughh.
Anyways, I land at Rochester NY and 2 people from SUNY Geneseo are there to greet me and take me to my hotel. Vanessa and Minji I believe their names were. They were very nice and sweet. I had lunch with the Korean Student Association board members. They were very cool and chill. Shout outs to Grass, Danny, David, Christine, Minji, and the rest of SUNY Geneseo family that showed me much love!
The show was pretty cool. It wasn’t an all asian crowd. Actually there were probably more white folks in the audience. It was good shit.
After the show, the kids took me to the only restaurant open at 10pm. Denny’s! I wanted to pass out because I didn’t sleep at all. I figure pick something heavy. Naturally I picked country fried steak and a side of sausage links. But the staff wanted to go drink and party. I decided sure, why the fuck not.
They took me to this house with a bunch of Korean Kids. I guess the definition of partying in the East Coast Colleges is Beer pong because I played more beer pong this past week then I did in my entire life. After a few shots and drinks I got back to my hotel and knocked the fuck out…
