I’ve been a Laker fan all my life. I remember when I was three and my dad pointed at Magic Johnson and said that is the best basketball player I will ever see in my life. When my dad was teaching me how to play basketball, he tried to teach me the sky hook. He said it is the unstoppable shot. The Lakers were a big part of my childhood. When I was 9 I joined the neighborhood kids league and I joined the team called the Lakers. I was fairly taller than everyone on the team but they still made me the point guard. I was consumed by everything Lakers related.When Magic retired and told everyone he had HIV, I remember crying. I thought he was gonna die real soon.
I was still a fan during the dark ages. When they had Sedale Threatt, Cedric Ceballos, and Elden Campbell as the marquee players. They had Doug Christie and Anthony Peeler. No offense but you know you aint gonna win shit with a lineup like that. The Lakers barely made it to the playoffs most of those years. They didn’t make it in one year.
Then came the Shaq and Kobe era. I was thinking its crazy how dominant the team is with them. As ESPN and everyone that talked about sports claimed, they were the best 1-2 punch in the history of the sport. 1 three peat and they could have gotten more if there wasn’t drama between Kobe, Shaq, and Phil Jackson. The mystique of the Lakers started fading for me at this point. The Showtime Lakers never had these problems. Magic and Kareem always knew their roles. Worthy never complained about anything. It was what I still believe a team should be. I was slightly turned off by it but still being a Loyalist, I rooted for the purple and gold every year. When the Kobe led Lakers struggled to get into the playoffs and he was going for 50 points a game, I still rooted for them.
When Gasol came into the mix, I was relieved. It seemed like the Lake show was back to form. Things were clicking and the teamwork was pretty seamless. Even when they got Ron Artest, I wasn’t too concerned. Sure he is a little crazy but his Finals post game interview alone made it all worth it.
Then this year, they got their asses kicked by Dallas. I wasn’t upset at the sweep. I was more upset with the way they lost. Them fools didn’t even try. They were saying shit like they had trust issues. I was actually rooting for Kobe to get that ring so that people wouldn’t compare him to Jordan anymore more. Unfortunately, the this season puts the nail in the coffin. He will never be greater than MJ. The team as a whole played like a bunch of bitch asses. Andrew Bynum’s elbow was absolutely despicable. It was a completely low point in the career. Again, not because they lost but because they didn’t lose with class.
Then the last couple of days, Kareem is whining and bitching about not getting a statue in from of Staples Center. Sure statistically, Kareem deserves a statue. But him bitching about it made me not respect him. I heard he was a dick but this really made me lose all respect for him.
Lakers you have disappointed me. I will still root for yall but I don’t think I will ever be a die hard fan like I used to be. Thanks for ruining it.
When you watch porn you see a lot the cum shot on the chicks face. Let me explain why that happens and why guys like it. Its because we will like cumming on things that don’t belong to us. If a chick I was with told me to cum on a hotel wall id nut on that wall without reservations. There are many hotel walls I have nutted on. For that matter I have nutted on tvs cabinets etc. All of them belonging to the hotel. Why because that shit aint mine. I don’t care for it. I would never nut on my own tv or my own apartment wall. That is why when a guy nuts on a chicks face its because we don’t care about you.
There is no way in hell I am cumming on the face of the mother of my children. So ladies if a dude has given you a “baby shower” he probably thinks you are a piece of shit. And chicks if you are into that shit, please email me at dannychocomedy@gmail.com.
Anyone that can tell a joke about Abortions and get laughs is a great comic. Kudos Ian!
Women I get it. You have a period once a month and you are the ones that have to give birth. It sucks. Your vagina gets put through hell. I wouldn’t want to be you guys at all. But what I don’t get is why do you have to use that as a get out of jail free card?
Why do you think its ok to be a complete raging lunatic on your period? Like you can treat your significant others like its shit and be moody and just be a bonafide killjoy every few days of the month. Again I wanna say that I get it. If I had blood coming out of my cock once a month and my hormones are all out of whack, I too would be a little cranky. But it still doesn’t make it right. There were many girls I have been with where they would be a complete bitch for no reason. When I ask, “What the fuck is your problem?” They respond that they are on their rag. I always wonder how that really makes it ok.
The vagina in general is the root of all problems in a relationship. There used to be a girl I dated that always got UTIs (urinary tract infections). Then they need to take Uristat and drink a shit ton of cranberry juice. I swear she got one at least twice a month. I am sure it sucks but she put me through a lot of crap for it.
Well one day I was brushing my teeth while the girl was taking a shit. (I have a high tolerance for gross.) Anyways, she is done dropping deuces. I saw her get up to wipe and I almost choked on my toothpaste. I am not an expert on wiping my ass but I’ve been doing it enough to know that wiping should be done front to back. Unfortunately Miss UTI did the exact opposite. Back to front style. No wonder this dumbass kept on getting UTIs. It because she had shit particles moved into her baby maker.
Things went downhill from there. She got mad at me because I stopped going down on her. I couldn’t tell her its because she has a dirty vagina. Hence I just kept it to myself and told her that I am not ready for a serious relationship. Hey at least I cared enough to tell her I didn’t want to tell her she is fucking savage for wiping like a retard.
I often tell people that I hate people. I know it comes off as asshole-ish but let me explain because I don’t want people to think I’m some weird perv hermit asshole. I AM NOT A HERMIT…
I haven’t lived long compared to a lot of folks. I figure once you hit your 60s you have the right to claim that you have enough life experiences to dishing out advice. But as I am sitting here in a café in Ktown, I realized that people as a whole are weak, retarded, pussies.
I know everyone’s problems are relative. It’s a big deal to them regardless of how ridiculous it is in the big picture. People are using FML for a lot of things. Oh my god, the salon fucked up my hair. FML… Oh shit I got a flat tire. FML! OMG! School is Killing me. It’s sooo hard. FML!
For you folks that aren’t knowledgeable with lazy internet acronyms, FML stands for fuck my life. Anyone that uses this should get POFed. (Punched in Face). Look you silly bastards, life is way harder. Your problems undoubtedly are crap and you are being dramatic. If your hair was messed up by the salon wear a fucking hat and deal with it.
Sure technology is great. I grew up in a time when it took almost a whole fucking day to put a picture online, when you had to stay in a 3ft radius to make a phone call. My parents in their time used to shit in holes in the ground. But with all these advances, why are we such pussies?
I was informed that the US has to pay foreign companies to take our trash. Then they use our trash and make products and sell it back to us. How in the fuck does that make sense? We are truly fucked as a society. Sure there are places like North Korea that got their shit even way more backwards than say the US but we aint shit and people aint doing anything about it.
We are not longer the 92 Dream Team. We are not number 1 in anything except producing stupid muthafuckers.
I did a stint at a tutoring place. I was assigned to tutor a bunch of kids and for the most part they were ok kids but pure pussies. There was one 18 year old kid I was tutoring. He did not know how to solve this problem:
If a carpenter had a 4ft 2inch board and he cut of 2ft 8inches, how much would he have left.
I was so shocked that I actually kicked his ass. Our education system is shit. We got some dumbasses pouring out of schools all across the country. School stress aint hard kids. Trust me on this. Raising children in a big city is fucking hard. Figuring out how to send your dumbass to school is hard. And I am not talking about just book smarts. There is a lack in common sense and street smarts as well. I have very little hope for the future.
Another reason I have problems with people as a whole is the drinking culture of the areas around me. I am not opposed to drinking booze. Shit I do it all the time. So much so that I have gout now. But when did drinking become a who has the bigger dick contest? Same with weed. When did it make you that much cooler that you can smoke a shit ton? Because that’s what it seems like these days. “Oh you drank 3 glasses of scotch? I drank 5.” I’m just give em a look like do you want a prize asshole?
I hate people because for the most part they don’t keep it real. I don’t mean keep it real as in keeping it hood and gangsta. You can keep that silly shit to yourselves. What I mean by keeping it real is be honest? Sure there are times you need to be fake. Like job interviews, and shitty relationships, but dammit no need to front. Also take ownership of your actions. There are so many blame dodging, victims around me that it makes me sick. “I don’t know why people always take advantage of me.” It’s probably cuz you are a dumbass.
Ugh im gonna stop writing because I am getting more and more angry.
