Guys, don’t fall in love with pussy. I mean all guys love pussy but don’t fall in love with it. There is a difference. Don’t put that shit on a pedestal because its not as magical as you think it is. I know chicks think their pussy is great but it aint. I’ll tell you why. I’ve had great sex and I’ve had bad sex buuuuuut… I’ve nutted every single time. So that means, pussy aint the x factor. The only thing about pussy is that its always better than jerking off. If its terrible sex, I’m just thinking of your vagina as just an awesome giant female hand.
I know this sounds awful and im sure you chicks think I’m an asshole. But hear me out… First of all, I ain’t saying that you should just give up your vagina easily. Don’t be a whore about it. However, we know that unless you a dirty bitch, you are gonna make us work for it so you can see the true intent of the guy. You want your man to be real. You complain that when we do fuck then we change. What you don’t seem to understand is that until we get that pussy we ain’t being real. We are just trying to crack that safe, aka your vagina. It’s like that movie entrapment where Catherine zeta jones is dodging lasers to steal something. Us saying, oh you look beautiful in that dress, is us just dodging one laser. Opening that car door for you and pulling out the chair for you during dinner is us dodging some more fucking lasers. Once we get it, we figure we don’t need to re dodge the lasers. Fuck that.
And to add to that its not like you chicks are on hundred percent real with us either. Why is it that when we are just seeing each other, you are always dolled up. You wear the sexy panties. You got the make up on. And then when we are a couple, you are like fuck the yoga pants. I’m wearing sweats and ugg boats without make up. I can’t tell you how many girls I’ve dated that look like Jamie Chung or Lucy Liu in the beginning and once we are a steady couple they start looking like Jackie Chan. That’s just as fake as me lying about loving kids and puppies.
And while we are on the subject of pussy. There was this homeless chick that was giving blowjobs for chicken mcnuggets. Now I am sure you chicks are fucking judging this chick. But you chicks are doing the same thing. Us buying you dinner and drinks are just really expensive chicken mcnuggets. So you not as that much greater than this homeless chick.
So you want us to respect you. It’s really pretty simple. 1)Understand that we act and think differently to you and accept it. Don’t dismiss that we are retarded because we don’t think and act like you. 2)Confidence is great but be self aware. If you a big bitch then don’t mask it by saying that you are curvy. I used to be skinny but once my underwear elastic folded like a zigzag rolling papers, I was like yo I’m a fat fuck. I never described myself as chubby or fluffy. 3)Be good on your own. Sure we love to spend time with you if you are cool but even if we don’t hang out do your thing. Have a life outside of me. 4) Respect me as a man. Once you respect me as the king of the household, then you are fit to be the queen of it.
So what’s the end goal? Let’s say its for us to get married. Men and women. Well dear chicks, this is how you becoming marry-able to a guy. You gotta pass these tests and in this order. First you gotta pass the dick test. The dick test is to see if you are fuckable. And lets be honest, its not that hard to pass that test. As long as you aren’t unrapeable, you pass that test. Just don’t be embarrassing to take out in public and we are cool.
The next test is the heart test. I gotta love you and you gotta love me back. Buuuuut, the way we love you is different. Its not that horseshit you think love is. It aint the first person I wanna see when I wake up bullshit. You wanna know what love is. Love is when even if your man gotta a small thang, when you go down on him, you fake gag. Its you being selfless. It’s the same when you fake an orgasm. It’s just to trick us into thinking we are doing a good job. It’s just like when even though you look like a train wreck in a certain outfit, I’m gonna say you look pretty so your feelings don’t get hurt. Love is just the act of being selfless. It’s hard but if you really think about it, you can love anyone if you just try to. Yes I know its not romantic to you chicks but this is how I really see it.
The final test is the brain test. This is to see if it makes sense that I can live with this bitch for the rest of my life. Lots of people think that the heart and brain test are one in the same but it really isn’t. Cuz I can fuck and love a crackhead. I’ve seen lots of fly ass crackheads but lets be honest, there is no way in hell I’ll live with one. That’s just crazy.
And ladies need to understand that you holding your pussy hostage wont make us respect you. So when you pull that the if you love me you would do x,y, and z bullshit, we don’t do it cuz we love you. Look we love our moms more than any woman in the world. And we typically don’t listen to her. What makes you think you deserve our will more than our moms? The only difference is we don’t want to fuck our moms. We aint doing it cuz we love you. We are doing it cuz we want to fuck you.
In Korean culture, we have been taught to respect our elders. Hence, there are special protocols when dealing with someone older in Korean Culture. From the formal way of speaking, to pouring drinks with two hands, to calling older people hyung and noona or (oppa and unnie if you are a chick). Even if they are a year older.
Now in theory, this is good practice. Ideally, the more years you have lived in life, you should be wiser than your younger counterparts. And I have met a few wise people in my life that have really helped me think clearly when I am dealing with some of my problems. Unfortunately, these wise people aren’t as abundant as you would expect. And it just made realize, maybe we are doing things wrong. As a people as a whole, we really aint shit.
When I read about the mass shootings in CT or the school stabbings in China, I can’t help but think, why should the younger generation respect the older generation. If the kids are supposed to learn from us, and this is how we repay them. This is what we teach them, then why the fuck should they treat us with respect. It is our job to inspire younger generation. And I aint saying live like a saint or some impossible shit like that.
I’ve dealt with random murder and killings in my personal life. I wont get into all that here. But it brings me to a more fundamental point. Respect should be earned. Not just given because you meet some requirements. I aint giving you respect because you parents fucked earlier than mine. Personally, I respect people that I can learn from. Not just because of their accomplishments and success they garnered from their career, but more so because of their personality and character. Again, people that I consider my life mentors, aren’t saints by any means. But at least for me, I am able to learn from them. I am inspired by them. Those are the people I will call hyung and noona. And yes, I’d call a white dude hyung if he hits that’s those things I mentioned above.
Hell, I have met plenty of pastors and priests and other supposed holy men that are shady motherfuckers. So I aint just doling out my respect to these fools. At the end of the day, one of the key reasons I don’t like people is because many people I have met clearly expect things. Money, Success, Respect, Power, etc. But they haven’t really done shit to really get any of these things. If you think you are working hard, you probably aren’t. It’s really people over estimating themselves. There isn’t anything wrong for you to want these things but all that shit isn’t just given to you. So fucking work. Not just in your career but work as a person.
Granted, I aint really a model of morals either. But I don’t go around thinking I deserve anything. I deserve exactly what I have now. And if I really want to be respected then ill probably have to change me more.
So if you want to be respected, then look to yourself first before you start chastising. Cuz currently, we are doing a shitty job being hyungs, noonas, oppas, and unnies. By the way, if you want to be respected, then you probably don’t deserve it anyways.
I am currently sitting next to a female friend at this café. She’s a smart chick. She better be since she aint as young these young bitches at the clubs getting drunk off of shitty mixed drinks that taste fruity. Anyways, me and her always have debates about men and women. She, like a majority of chicks, have so many complaints about men so I figure I am as good as any to school her on the matter. Btw she doesn’t give me any insights to chicks because ultimately there isn’t anything to learn about them but I am digressing.
She asked me as bluntly, why are men so prideful. It’s because pride is one of the attributes that keep us men. In the movie Scarface, Al Pacino says all I have are my word and my balls. Here balls is the representation of his manhood which in many ways is his pride. Men in a public setting always feel the need to be seen as men.
That is why we don’t watch sad movies with our boys because as soon as one of the guys sheds a tear, he will be called a pussy. We try to diffuse the sad moment by blurting out how Rachel McAdams is super cute and you would let her take a dump on your chest for one night of fucking. Yes I was some how watching the Notebook and I was backed into a corner. I had the tears welled up and I needed to use a verbal smoke bomb. Shut up don’t judge me.
Aww kissing in the rain is some romantic. -.-
Anyways, the reason men are so prideful is because it is the last thing we have to indicate we are still men. Guys cant stand being called a pussy or bitch. That is why we want to have the bigger cock. That is why we tend to not back down from fights in public. We don’t always want to fight but we will get down for the sake of not looking like a pussy.
On a trip to NYC. My buddy KSW and I woke up from our hotel room around 2pm. We met up with friends the night before and drank like it came out of Jessica Alba’s vagina. Yes id drink almost anything that comes out of her vagina but that’s another blog post. Anyways, we woke up and decided to walk around and check out the city. As we exited the hotel, I realized right away, who the fuck am I kidding. I aint gonna be walking around in this city. I suggested that me and KSW should take the bus tour of Manhattan. Yes like a true dork, we paid the 30 bucks and got on the second floor of the bus. Anyone that takes a double decker bus tour and sits on the bottom floor is an ass clown.
So we are on the bus and we soon realize that this wasn’t a good idea. Heterosexual guys have this mechanism that alerts them when they are about to do something that is atypical of heterosexual man’s activities. For example, if you are watching a movie with your guy friends and the movie has a sad scene. As soon as your eyes start to well up with tears, a guys mind is wired so that it keeps telling you, don’t be a bitch. Don’t cry you pussy. Anyways, while we are on the bus and my mind kept telling me, this is not gonna lead to anything good. You guys look like bitches right now.
I tried ignore my body’s natural defense mechanisms. It’s just a lazy way to get to see the city I kept telling myself. Aint nothing wrong with this. Then we hit the final stop of the tour. The statue of liberty during sunset… -.- Me and KSW sat on a bench looking across the body of water to see the statue of liberty, while the sun was setting. My mind kept on telling me, I told you this was gonna lead to nothing good. KSW and I just looked at the statue of liberty while chain smoking. We totally avoided any sort of eye contact. We probably feared that if we did look into each other’s souls, This is the perfect time to make out. Im not saying that I ever had to urge to make out with my friend but given the circumstances (sunset, park bench, shitty ballad that was playing in my head) it would have been a perfect time to make out.
Yea this is what we saw. Great view but damn uncomfortable.
So after what seemed like an eternity, we got back to the bus and didn’t say a damn thing to each other. In my mind, I needed to do something manly to offset this pansy moment I had. I needed to reach man equilibrium again somehow. So I punched a chick in the face… The End.
For the past decade, I have been what you call an excessive smoker. On a slow day it would smoke a pack a day. There have been many days when I crossed the two pack mark. The point is I am what you called hooked.
I’d dust all these in 3 days…
Sure I know its bad for me. And there have been quite a few people that have told me I should stop. And to be quite honest, I don’t look back and feel thankful to them. They are still fucking annoying. You think I don’t know this shit is killing me? You don’t think I can read the warnings and see them commercials with the chick sounds like Howling Wolf with the hole in her throat? I knew from the very start that cigarettes will fuck me up good. Yes, I have smoked the cigarettes from Canada where they got pictures of fucked up lungs and dead babies on the cover. And yes I looked at that pack the whole day still smoking.
Canadian Cig Packs. Me Thinking Damn foo! Brush yo teef!
My point is, maybe it was my belief that I wouldn’t do it forever. Maybe I stupidly thought that I can shut it down. I knew from the very beginning that giving this shitty habit up would be tough. The real reason why I am quitting is that I have felt the negative shit from a constant cough to shortness of breath. Now, that I realized maybe I aint invincible as I once was, I guess its time to lay off this one vice that I loved.
But it leads to think about all these “healthy people”. These people that watch what they eat and exercise and all that other horseshit. I am sure you care about me and would love to see me be healthier. Blah blah blah. But let me explain something to you. I am happy that you chose that healthy lifestyle but don’t try to shove the bible of healthy living down my throat. I know that eating kale from time to time, and running a few laps around a track from time to time, and not doing meth are all good things that everyone knows are good habits to live by.
The part of healthy people that annoy me is that it seems like they are showing off. Like they are better than the people that live like shit. And not only do they think they are better, they try to evangelize the gospel of p90x or the gospel of raw foods and juicing. “You should try (insert terrible tasting food), its not that bad” Trust me, a tofu link will never ever be better than a regular sausage link. I am willing to bet money that a regular bratwurst will always taste better than its healthy substitute. So fuck off with your ”my lifestyle is better than yours” mentality.
But back to me not smoking.
It hasn’t been thaaat bad. Basically, its like a 3 minute battle 20 times a day. I miss waking up and smoking a cig while taking a shit. Or smoking after a nice hearty meal. Or smoking while being drunk. Or smoking after sex. Actually the last one, I haven’t done that in quite some time. Its been a slow year. The only thing that really helps is me telling myself “Yo quit be a fucking pussy! You think you gonna do anything great when you cant even quit smoking? So fucking man up and quit this shit.” Yes I say that to myself quite often and if you don’t know, calling a guy a pussy will make him do damn near anything.
I originally thought that I would quit smoking as my new years resolution of 2013. Then I realized I fuuuuuck that. I have a lingering cough. Cigs are fucking expensive. And hell might as well get a head start on this bullshit. So here is to me telling my addiction, go fuck yourself!
This year has been a year of major reflection and self inventory check. I realize that yes I have a problem. Im angrier and more annoyed that usual. I have been just looking at people this year and seriously wished death on people. That is a big fucking problem. But I guess writing this shit, will help me formulate how to make changes. It’s fucking cathartic.
I have 7 of the 8 symptoms of clinical depression. That’s pretty high. But that don’t mean I am going to fucking take pills and hope shit gets better. Life is always gonna be shitty and tough. All I’m trying to do is find my peace in all this bullshit. As I said countless times, I feel like as time progressed, everyone just got pussy-fied. No one is happy and every oneis claiming that they are depressed. People love to be blame shifting victims and that really drives me insane.
People always tell me that I must love life because I get to do what I love to do. First of all, what I love to do is not necessarily what I am doing now for a living. As of now, this is the only thing I figured that I can do that doesn’t make me want to burn office buildings down. Although Hollywood got a lot of scummy motherfuckers and I have wanted to set a few places on fire. My point is, we set our happiness on accomplishments. From promotions and salary bumps, to certain standards of your mate, and everything in between; we as people have gone all in and believe that reaching these quantifiable milestones will make you happy. Who knows if you will ever accomplish these things but even if you do, I guarantee you that you aint gonna be happy.
And ultimately when people aren’t happy, instead of just saying that people tend to go extreme and say they are depressed. It’s fucking retarded. I know I aint happy and even though I hit many of the symptoms of depression, I wouldn’t call myself depressed. Why? Because somewhere deep down inside, I have a belief. A belief that I will punch myself square in the face and wake the fuck up. Sure I want to do better in my career, and find a chick that whose crazy I can stand enough to look at every morning and be like “Even though there are days when I can’t stand you, Imma be ride or die with you sweetie.” (Very romantic, I know). But let’s say I wont ever reach these things, that don’t mean I’m gonna go bite the barrel of a gun and pull the trigger. Fuck that. I aint going out like that.
According to a shitty google search here are the symptoms of depression:
Lack of Energy
Loss of Interest in Hobbies
Changes in Sleep Pattern
Withdrawal From Society
Now looking at the list, who hasn’t had a few of these things. Aside from the weight changes, I currently have all these things. Although I can’t really decide if my sadness is overwhelming or mild. People will look at this list and try to self diagnose themselves and for the most part they will have at least half of the symptoms above. Why? Because people can’t help being victims. Lack of energy and loss of interest in hobbies? Cmon man. That’s just laziness. And there are a shit ton of lazy fucking people. Myself included. So if you are a lazy ass, you probably gonna gain some weight. So there you have 3 symptoms in one shot. Who isn’t in an irritable mood from time to time? Yea, I am more irritable than most people. Chicks that are PMSing are usually in an irritable mood. So does that mean them bitches are depressed for half a month for the next 30 years?! Get the fuck outta here. AND if you are pissed, don’t you not wanna see people? Ultimately, we need to suck it up and life live.
Why I say I hate people is because a lot of people I have met are weak blameshifting shit dicks. They do nothing to better this planet and on top of that act like they deserve the world. Life don’t owe you shit. Yes, I am in an irritable mood and I am probably gonna be up for the next 8 hours seething. But what do I know right. It’s just a depressed guy talking. Ughh!