Posted April 19th, 2011 by

Girls tell each other everything. EVERYTHING! Guys don’t tell their guy friend everything in detail. Let me explain:

When I was way fatter, I had a rash on my stomach because my stomach skin was being irritated by the waistband on my pants. (Pants were too tight and I was broke to buy larger pants.) So only 3 people on the planet knew about this rash. Me, My GF at the Time, and my Dermatologist. On one particular Christmas, her friend, who aint a pharmacist, gave me rash cream as a Christmas gift. When we got home me and my gf at the time got into a huge fight. She was like I don’t give a fuck if your friends know about me. I have nothing to hide. So from that day on my friends called her freddy kreuger pussy. She had the ugliest vagina I have seen to date. And I have seen a lot. It look like her cunt was set on fire and put out with a wet chain. That shit will give you nightmares. Needless to say Nightmare on Elm Street pussy and I broke up. I guess it was too embarrassing for her to know that a lot of people knew she had beef jerky pussy.

Posted March 18th, 2011 by

So this past week, the internet was going crazy about this White Chick’s video and her hate of Asians. If you haven’t seen it, here ya go:

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So after letting it simmer a bit, I got bored and decided to do a response video. It didn’t really piss me off but I was bored so here ya go…

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Posted February 10th, 2011 by

Being in the Entertainment business where Hollywood gives your soul a bukkake, I have met a lot of people that I wish would get hit by a bus. Sure it’s not right to wish ill upon people but that’s just nice folks talk. If you haven’t figured it out by now, I ain’t that nice. Here are some types of people that I want to shit in their toilet tanks (AKA upper decker) everyday:

1) Delusional Folks

There are lots of folks in this industry that think they are the shit. I mean I am all for being confident with your art, whether its singing, rapping, comedy-ing, film making, designing, programming, and whatever else you do for a living. However, there is a fine line between confidence and about to get a beat down. That line is there to let you know you shouldn’t cross it not to long jump over that bitch.

You ain’t that good muthafucka. If you were you would have already been discovered and making enough money to wipe your ass with a Grant or at least a Jackson. Sorry, I don’t know the pictures of any other countries currency. But the fact of the matter is, there is someone that will always be better than you. So sip on some of that humble tea laced with 3 table spoons of shut the fuck up.

There are a lot of people around me that call themselves actors, comedians, models, film makers, etc. Here is a message to them:

· Just because you did some student films and took some acting classes don’t make you an actor. Just because you did a short film that somehow made it to some shitty film festival, don’t make you an actor. So don’t go telling people you are an actor if you aint even on IMDB. If you are on IMDB make sure more than 1000 people have seen the project. If not, go work on your craft some more.

· A good buddy of mine, who is a very successful comedian, once told me, you can’t consider yourself a comedian unless you have at least 50 shows under your belt at a comedy club. And if you consider yourself a Youtube comedian then stop reading right here and go take a gun and shoot yourself. In my opinion, stand up is one of the hardest art forms. Sure I don’t know how to sing or draw so I aint too sure but stand up is fucking tough. You have to make the audience laugh every time you are on stage. Which may seem easy but it really isn’t. Just because you did well at an open mic night where a ton of your friends came don’t make you a comedian. Remember that when you bomb a set and feel like committing suicide.

· Just because you got a profile on model mayhem don’t make you a model. Just because you posed for a clothing line that sells 20 t-shirts a month don’t make you a model. Just because you think you are pretty and go to “casting calls” don’t make you a model. Also remember you aint gonna look like that for too long so you may wanna figure out a new profession.

· Don’t think that your 3-5 minute short film is the best thing to be put on film since Citizen Kane. Don’t approach actors like this will help launch them into superstardom. You probably aint that good if you are whining about not getting any breaks. So suck it up and work on your craft more before you come out again.

· To all entrepreneurs out there. Please keep the hustling and keep your mouths shut. Lots of people think their business model and brand is gonna be the next facebook, GAP, or whatever brand/company you can think of. The reality of it is, most of the times, your company wont even get close. Hell, some of yall might not even last. So keep hustling and stop poppin off. There will always be a more successful brand or company than yours. You aint the best programmer, designer, tshirt maker, clothing line, so be humble and shut the fuck up.

I AM NOT TRYING TO KNOCK ANYONE’S HUSTLE. Don’t get me wrong… If you are in these industries and you are doing your thing, more power to yall. All I am saying is that keep your head down and be humble. Confidence is ok but don’t act like your shit don’t smell.

2) Name Droppers

I fucking detest these cum stains on the bedsheet of life. I don’t give a fuck what your “famous friend” said the other day. I don’t give a fuck who you are close to. Most of these name droppers talk a big game. “Oh, I can get you into contact with this “FAMOUS PERSON”. I am sure he can help you with your career. Yall will get along great.” I have been told some variation of this about 100 times in my life. I have yet to meet that person. Most folks that name drop do so because they want to show that they are connected and cool. You aint that cool. So instead of telling me stories about an epic night with a star, and tell me how close you are to those people, why don’t you do something cool.

I am not sure if I wrote this story on this site before but here is the type of shit I go thru often.

I met up with a friend at a bar. He was there with some of his homies. So I go say wassup to my boy, and he says, “Yo my friend here is an actor. Yall should connect.” So I say wassup to this dude. “ I go so you are an actor. What are you working on?” This vessel of shit says “I don’t know if you have heard of him but I am working on a project with Harvey Weinstein.” I wanted to Tiger Uppercut this dumbass.

There are some people that name drop people that aren’t famous or powerful. WTF! They should be set on fire. This one guy name dropped an Asian Party Promoter to me once. I almost spit in his face. I HAVE NOTHING AGAINST PARTY PROMOTERS. I am friends with quite a few of them. But please don’t tell me you can get me into an Asian Party at some club in Hollywood. Save that ticket for a 21 year old chick that still thinks its cool to order an Adios Motherfucker.

Posted January 9th, 2011 by

So a lot of people are posting up the video of the homeless dude with the golden voice. I get it. He has a crazy voice that you wouldn’t expect from a bum. But enough already. Sure it’s a cool story where the guy got a second chance in life. He got to take a shower and got a job. But this shit is getting ridiculous.

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I don’t want to be walking around Downtown LA (homeless capital of LA) with all these bums singing and dancing in hopes of getting discovered. No need to watch the Thriller video live. The music video was long enough. The reason I am kinda not impressed is because sure he has a good voice but so does a lot of hardworking people. Why does this homeless guy get a new lease on life.

That’s like a decent dancer being down on his luck. Being homeless for a bit and then someone films him pop lockin, he gets a million plus hits and he goes on Ellen or Oprah show that will give him some press. What about the people that have similar or even better talents and yet this guy gets a new house and a job.

Mr. Ted Williams apparently was in the business before. Plus this dude had a pretty long rap sheet and is trying to kick a drug addiction. So for us to get all caught up on this media bullshit about some fuck up with a gang of kids who got lucky because of someone’s flip cam, is ridiculous. In the words of my good buddy PSUN, Fuck that foo!

Posted January 8th, 2011 by

Girl with a lot of guy friends vs. girl with a lot of girl friends vs. girl with no friends

All are fucking retarded…

Girls with a lot of guy friends are retarded because they think that these guys are just platonic friends. A guy and a girl can never be good platonic friends. Well unless the chick is pure ugly. The girl doesn’t realize that her guys friends have once and still do think about fucking her. And if the opportunity arises (ie alcohol) they will try to play a game of just a tip. Now if a girl like this is in a relationship, it puts the bf in a bad situation because the bf will always be a little suspicious of the girls other guy friends. When this is mentioned, the bf will seem like he is jealous. Where is the trust you might ask? Well the thing is, the guy may trust the gf but he definitely doesn’t trust the guy friends. When there is a little trouble in the relationship, the chick will tell the guy friends about it and them muthafuckas are gonna undoubtedly play the sensitive and thoughtful card because its to give the chick the false impression that they care. They truly don’t. They just wanna fuck you. Then when they do try to make a move, the chick is all shocked. You don’t believe me. Get drunk and sleep over you guy friend’s place.

Girls with a lot of female friends are retarded because they tell each other EVERYTHING. There are no secrets with these bitches. Guys don’t tell their homies EVERYTHING. For example there was a chick I was dating when I was a lot fatter. I had this rash on my stomach because I was fat. Only me, my gf at the time, and the dermatologist knew I had the rash. That Christmas, my girl’s friend gives me rash cream as a Christmas gift. That bitch isn’t even a pharmacist. That night me and my girl got into an argument. She was like “ I don’t care if you tell your friends about me.” “Really you want them to know you have hair on your asshole? And for your birthday it would be cool for them to get you a razor or nosehair trimmer?”

Guys may tell her homies about a one night stand. Some girl he doesn’t care about. He will talk about everything in detail. Smelly vagina, hairy ass, weird noises the chick makes, etc. But they wont talk about their gf’s in that way. Even if she has a weird mole or birthmark, that shit will not be uttered to the homies.

Girls with no friends are also retarded. Unless of course she is new to the area then its understandable but if the chick has no friends whatsoever then its gonna be a problem. Guys, don’t date these broads because they are gonna latch onto you like a retard to a gumball machine. Say you gonna get into a fight. Who the hell does she turn to? That is just gonna make her a crazy bitch. On top of that, there is a reason she aint got friends. Bitch is no good. So treat it like 4th and long and punt.

Guys with a ton of girlfriends are whack. These guys may argue that they have a lot of options but the guy with a ton of female friends are either gay or they are the ones that try to get with a chick in distress. They are dangerous because they really don’t give a shit about the chicks. They just don’t have the balls to try to get with any of these chicks and get relegated to the friend zone. He may seem like he is fine with it but I bet you money that he jerks off more to people that he knows. People that jerk off to people they know is one scary person.