In Korean culture, we have been taught to respect our elders. Hence, there are special protocols when dealing with someone older in Korean Culture. From the formal way of speaking, to pouring drinks with two hands, to calling older people hyung and noona or (oppa and unnie if you are a chick). Even if they are a year older.
Now in theory, this is good practice. Ideally, the more years you have lived in life, you should be wiser than your younger counterparts. And I have met a few wise people in my life that have really helped me think clearly when I am dealing with some of my problems. Unfortunately, these wise people aren’t as abundant as you would expect. And it just made realize, maybe we are doing things wrong. As a people as a whole, we really aint shit.
When I read about the mass shootings in CT or the school stabbings in China, I can’t help but think, why should the younger generation respect the older generation. If the kids are supposed to learn from us, and this is how we repay them. This is what we teach them, then why the fuck should they treat us with respect. It is our job to inspire younger generation. And I aint saying live like a saint or some impossible shit like that.
I’ve dealt with random murder and killings in my personal life. I wont get into all that here. But it brings me to a more fundamental point. Respect should be earned. Not just given because you meet some requirements. I aint giving you respect because you parents fucked earlier than mine. Personally, I respect people that I can learn from. Not just because of their accomplishments and success they garnered from their career, but more so because of their personality and character. Again, people that I consider my life mentors, aren’t saints by any means. But at least for me, I am able to learn from them. I am inspired by them. Those are the people I will call hyung and noona. And yes, I’d call a white dude hyung if he hits that’s those things I mentioned above.
Hell, I have met plenty of pastors and priests and other supposed holy men that are shady motherfuckers. So I aint just doling out my respect to these fools. At the end of the day, one of the key reasons I don’t like people is because many people I have met clearly expect things. Money, Success, Respect, Power, etc. But they haven’t really done shit to really get any of these things. If you think you are working hard, you probably aren’t. It’s really people over estimating themselves. There isn’t anything wrong for you to want these things but all that shit isn’t just given to you. So fucking work. Not just in your career but work as a person.
Granted, I aint really a model of morals either. But I don’t go around thinking I deserve anything. I deserve exactly what I have now. And if I really want to be respected then ill probably have to change me more.
So if you want to be respected, then look to yourself first before you start chastising. Cuz currently, we are doing a shitty job being hyungs, noonas, oppas, and unnies. By the way, if you want to be respected, then you probably don’t deserve it anyways.
I am currently sitting next to a female friend at this café. She’s a smart chick. She better be since she aint as young these young bitches at the clubs getting drunk off of shitty mixed drinks that taste fruity. Anyways, me and her always have debates about men and women. She, like a majority of chicks, have so many complaints about men so I figure I am as good as any to school her on the matter. Btw she doesn’t give me any insights to chicks because ultimately there isn’t anything to learn about them but I am digressing.
She asked me as bluntly, why are men so prideful. It’s because pride is one of the attributes that keep us men. In the movie Scarface, Al Pacino says all I have are my word and my balls. Here balls is the representation of his manhood which in many ways is his pride. Men in a public setting always feel the need to be seen as men.
That is why we don’t watch sad movies with our boys because as soon as one of the guys sheds a tear, he will be called a pussy. We try to diffuse the sad moment by blurting out how Rachel McAdams is super cute and you would let her take a dump on your chest for one night of fucking. Yes I was some how watching the Notebook and I was backed into a corner. I had the tears welled up and I needed to use a verbal smoke bomb. Shut up don’t judge me.
Aww kissing in the rain is some romantic. -.-
Anyways, the reason men are so prideful is because it is the last thing we have to indicate we are still men. Guys cant stand being called a pussy or bitch. That is why we want to have the bigger cock. That is why we tend to not back down from fights in public. We don’t always want to fight but we will get down for the sake of not looking like a pussy.
On a trip to NYC. My buddy KSW and I woke up from our hotel room around 2pm. We met up with friends the night before and drank like it came out of Jessica Alba’s vagina. Yes id drink almost anything that comes out of her vagina but that’s another blog post. Anyways, we woke up and decided to walk around and check out the city. As we exited the hotel, I realized right away, who the fuck am I kidding. I aint gonna be walking around in this city. I suggested that me and KSW should take the bus tour of Manhattan. Yes like a true dork, we paid the 30 bucks and got on the second floor of the bus. Anyone that takes a double decker bus tour and sits on the bottom floor is an ass clown.
So we are on the bus and we soon realize that this wasn’t a good idea. Heterosexual guys have this mechanism that alerts them when they are about to do something that is atypical of heterosexual man’s activities. For example, if you are watching a movie with your guy friends and the movie has a sad scene. As soon as your eyes start to well up with tears, a guys mind is wired so that it keeps telling you, don’t be a bitch. Don’t cry you pussy. Anyways, while we are on the bus and my mind kept telling me, this is not gonna lead to anything good. You guys look like bitches right now.
I tried ignore my body’s natural defense mechanisms. It’s just a lazy way to get to see the city I kept telling myself. Aint nothing wrong with this. Then we hit the final stop of the tour. The statue of liberty during sunset… -.- Me and KSW sat on a bench looking across the body of water to see the statue of liberty, while the sun was setting. My mind kept on telling me, I told you this was gonna lead to nothing good. KSW and I just looked at the statue of liberty while chain smoking. We totally avoided any sort of eye contact. We probably feared that if we did look into each other’s souls, This is the perfect time to make out. Im not saying that I ever had to urge to make out with my friend but given the circumstances (sunset, park bench, shitty ballad that was playing in my head) it would have been a perfect time to make out.
Yea this is what we saw. Great view but damn uncomfortable.
So after what seemed like an eternity, we got back to the bus and didn’t say a damn thing to each other. In my mind, I needed to do something manly to offset this pansy moment I had. I needed to reach man equilibrium again somehow. So I punched a chick in the face… The End.
For the past decade, I have been what you call an excessive smoker. On a slow day it would smoke a pack a day. There have been many days when I crossed the two pack mark. The point is I am what you called hooked.
I’d dust all these in 3 days…
Sure I know its bad for me. And there have been quite a few people that have told me I should stop. And to be quite honest, I don’t look back and feel thankful to them. They are still fucking annoying. You think I don’t know this shit is killing me? You don’t think I can read the warnings and see them commercials with the chick sounds like Howling Wolf with the hole in her throat? I knew from the very start that cigarettes will fuck me up good. Yes, I have smoked the cigarettes from Canada where they got pictures of fucked up lungs and dead babies on the cover. And yes I looked at that pack the whole day still smoking.
Canadian Cig Packs. Me Thinking Damn foo! Brush yo teef!
My point is, maybe it was my belief that I wouldn’t do it forever. Maybe I stupidly thought that I can shut it down. I knew from the very beginning that giving this shitty habit up would be tough. The real reason why I am quitting is that I have felt the negative shit from a constant cough to shortness of breath. Now, that I realized maybe I aint invincible as I once was, I guess its time to lay off this one vice that I loved.
But it leads to think about all these “healthy people”. These people that watch what they eat and exercise and all that other horseshit. I am sure you care about me and would love to see me be healthier. Blah blah blah. But let me explain something to you. I am happy that you chose that healthy lifestyle but don’t try to shove the bible of healthy living down my throat. I know that eating kale from time to time, and running a few laps around a track from time to time, and not doing meth are all good things that everyone knows are good habits to live by.
The part of healthy people that annoy me is that it seems like they are showing off. Like they are better than the people that live like shit. And not only do they think they are better, they try to evangelize the gospel of p90x or the gospel of raw foods and juicing. “You should try (insert terrible tasting food), its not that bad” Trust me, a tofu link will never ever be better than a regular sausage link. I am willing to bet money that a regular bratwurst will always taste better than its healthy substitute. So fuck off with your ”my lifestyle is better than yours” mentality.
But back to me not smoking.
It hasn’t been thaaat bad. Basically, its like a 3 minute battle 20 times a day. I miss waking up and smoking a cig while taking a shit. Or smoking after a nice hearty meal. Or smoking while being drunk. Or smoking after sex. Actually the last one, I haven’t done that in quite some time. Its been a slow year. The only thing that really helps is me telling myself “Yo quit be a fucking pussy! You think you gonna do anything great when you cant even quit smoking? So fucking man up and quit this shit.” Yes I say that to myself quite often and if you don’t know, calling a guy a pussy will make him do damn near anything.
I originally thought that I would quit smoking as my new years resolution of 2013. Then I realized I fuuuuuck that. I have a lingering cough. Cigs are fucking expensive. And hell might as well get a head start on this bullshit. So here is to me telling my addiction, go fuck yourself!
This year has been a year of major reflection and self inventory check. I realize that yes I have a problem. Im angrier and more annoyed that usual. I have been just looking at people this year and seriously wished death on people. That is a big fucking problem. But I guess writing this shit, will help me formulate how to make changes. It’s fucking cathartic.
I have 7 of the 8 symptoms of clinical depression. That’s pretty high. But that don’t mean I am going to fucking take pills and hope shit gets better. Life is always gonna be shitty and tough. All I’m trying to do is find my peace in all this bullshit. As I said countless times, I feel like as time progressed, everyone just got pussy-fied. No one is happy and every oneis claiming that they are depressed. People love to be blame shifting victims and that really drives me insane.
People always tell me that I must love life because I get to do what I love to do. First of all, what I love to do is not necessarily what I am doing now for a living. As of now, this is the only thing I figured that I can do that doesn’t make me want to burn office buildings down. Although Hollywood got a lot of scummy motherfuckers and I have wanted to set a few places on fire. My point is, we set our happiness on accomplishments. From promotions and salary bumps, to certain standards of your mate, and everything in between; we as people have gone all in and believe that reaching these quantifiable milestones will make you happy. Who knows if you will ever accomplish these things but even if you do, I guarantee you that you aint gonna be happy.
And ultimately when people aren’t happy, instead of just saying that people tend to go extreme and say they are depressed. It’s fucking retarded. I know I aint happy and even though I hit many of the symptoms of depression, I wouldn’t call myself depressed. Why? Because somewhere deep down inside, I have a belief. A belief that I will punch myself square in the face and wake the fuck up. Sure I want to do better in my career, and find a chick that whose crazy I can stand enough to look at every morning and be like “Even though there are days when I can’t stand you, Imma be ride or die with you sweetie.” (Very romantic, I know). But let’s say I wont ever reach these things, that don’t mean I’m gonna go bite the barrel of a gun and pull the trigger. Fuck that. I aint going out like that.
According to a shitty google search here are the symptoms of depression:
Overwhelming Sadness
Lack of Energy
Loss of Interest in Hobbies
Weight Changes
Changes in Sleep Pattern
Irritable Mood
Physical Pain
Withdrawal From Society
Now looking at the list, who hasn’t had a few of these things. Aside from the weight changes, I currently have all these things. Although I can’t really decide if my sadness is overwhelming or mild. People will look at this list and try to self diagnose themselves and for the most part they will have at least half of the symptoms above. Why? Because people can’t help being victims. Lack of energy and loss of interest in hobbies? Cmon man. That’s just laziness. And there are a shit ton of lazy fucking people. Myself included. So if you are a lazy ass, you probably gonna gain some weight. So there you have 3 symptoms in one shot. Who isn’t in an irritable mood from time to time? Yea, I am more irritable than most people. Chicks that are PMSing are usually in an irritable mood. So does that mean them bitches are depressed for half a month for the next 30 years?! Get the fuck outta here. AND if you are pissed, don’t you not wanna see people? Ultimately, we need to suck it up and life live.
Why I say I hate people is because a lot of people I have met are weak blameshifting shit dicks. They do nothing to better this planet and on top of that act like they deserve the world. Life don’t owe you shit. Yes, I am in an irritable mood and I am probably gonna be up for the next 8 hours seething. But what do I know right. It’s just a depressed guy talking. Ughh!
I am totally against suicide prevention programs. Yes I know they probably saved a few lives but on a macro level, people that commit suicide are weak. No matter how shitty you think your life is, there is someone LIVING that has it worse and he/she is still trying to make it work. I want to clarify that I truly believe Suicide is wrong. No matter what you believe in, suicide is never the right answer. However, if you want to be a selfish fuck and end your life, well then maybe you should.
We are the only species of animals that try to coddle the weak. I aint a zoologist but I guarantee you that a lion with low self esteem will eventually be wiped out. What happened to survival of the fittest? Why is everyone so hell bent on saving the ones that will bring you down. Cuz you want to be a hero? Cuz you feel like you accomplished something by talking someone down from a ledge? Do you really get off on thinking that you saved a life? Well in all honesty, you probably just made the world a little bit shittier.
Yes, I am sure that on a micro level, people have people close to them that have committed suicide and I am pretty sure it is heart breaking. I know a few people that have taken their lives and it was pretty devastating. Sure I was sad, and I started thinking I could have done something to stop it. But once that bullshit wanting to be a hero moment passed I couldn’t help but be very angry. I was angry because ultimately they couldn’t deal with living. That’s a slap in the face of every single one around them. Hell I’ve talked a few people out of suicide in my life and they seem to be doing ok now. Again I understand on a personal level, it is sad but on a grander scale, suicide is such a pathetic move.
There was a time in my life when I too thought about eating a bullet. And the only thing that stopped me was the realization that it’s a fucking coward move. Kill yourself because you aren’t happy?! Because you are depressed?! Fuck outta here! Everyone , myself included, strives to be happy. And that’s not a bad thing. However, it’s the requirements a person sets for themselves in which they believe will make em happy, that fucks people up. OMG I can’t get a job! Fuck, the love of my life broke up with me. I am getting bullied at school/work! There might be a handful of other things. People that have it worse than you are still plugging away. Why are Korean celebs hanging themselves, while homeless people are still fighting to stay alive. The people that live in landfills of Liberia are still trying stay alive. They fucking eat people out there!
Sure you can argue that everyone’s problems are relatively big to themselves. I totally get it. But what gives someone the right to just fucking quit. I look at it this way. No matter how shitty your life is, living is still better than not. Why? Because there is always a chance things will get better. The 4th quarter comeback is always epic. John Elway never gave up. The Lakers didn’t give up against the Blazers in that one series many moons ago. (They totally gave up against the Mavs two seasons ago. -.-)
Ultimately, I don’t like quitters. Plain and simple. And suicide is quitting on the one game that everyone needs to play and try to win.
