Let me start by saying that growing up, I was not into korean pop music at all. When I was younger and artists like DJ DOC, HOT, and SES were around I was not a fan. But as of late, I was hooked on watching Korean Variety shows on youtube. One of the popular girl groups in Korea right now have really “tickled my pickle” The thing is, I don’t see these girls as chicks I want to fuck. They are younger than my baby sister! But I find these girls fucking adorable. Ladies and Gentlemen, I present to you Girls Generation :
Yea you kick those sexy legs!
Sorry don’t judge me… But I would love to hang out with these lil girls and do stupid shit like make kimbab with them and just prance around a prairie filled with dandelions.
But I have been thinking, what is up with the slutty/sexy music videos in Korea. I was shocked because I didn’t know KPOP music video’s got this hot. Here are some examples:
WTF is going on over there. I say we go to korea and find these girls. Who is with me? I am taking applications for girls who look like the chicks in the videos above to be my gf/wife. Thanks!
UCLA Dorm Years Part II
During the second year I had a roommate. Let’s call him Harry. Harry was an interesting dude. He was smart. Like scary smart. My taekwondo instructor met him once and said I should be nice to him because he looks like he could probably blow up a building or something. He kinda looks like the Korean dude that shot up all those students at Virginia Tech.
Anyways, Harry was pretty cool with me. Our room had close to 200 dollars worth of hard liquor all the time. Whiskey and Scotch was what we drank. We were fucking 19 at this point. Anyways, Harry was dating this chick and one day I guess they decided they should have sex. Which is great but I was in the room. They thought I was sleeping but I was awake.
I was “sleeping” on my side, facing them. I realized they were about to have sex but if I made any sudden movements, that would throw off their horniness. So being the homie that I am I had to stay still. The thing is, I don’t mind watching porn or watching sex but that is because the chicks are usually hot or have nice bodies. This chick filled none of those requirements. So as I am laying there, I see her mounting Harry. Just pale ass going up and down really didn’t sit well with me. I wanted to throw up so I decided to move but again, I didn’t want to make a sudden movement because Harry is my homie.
So keeping the rest of my body completely still, I slowly started moving my head the other direction. I had to stay in that position for a long time. Fucker was taking too long. I was in the most uncomfortable position possible. My body was facing one way and my head was facing 180 degrees of my body. It was very Exorcist-esque. So finally they finish. But they start talking, since that is what a lot of girls like to do after sex. I wanted to slam icicles with AIDs juice into my ears because it was some of the dumbest fucking things ever uttered out of a human’s mouth. That is when I moved my whole body to catch up with my face. Damn, the things I would do for friends.
Another interesting story was one about this girl named Amy (not her real name but if she reads this, she might sue me). Anyways, Amy really liked my best friend Terry. Like really wanted to have his babies, liked him. The thing is, she was pretty damn gross looking. She looked like animal from the Muppet Babies. She was not hot at all. Sure this sounds mean but let’s be honest, she was busted and no guy with reasonable standards would want to be out in public with her. They say you shouldn’t judge a book by its cover. I say to them, sometimes when the cover is too fucked up you just don’t want to read the book.
Anyways, Amy, Terry, and I were in the same calculus class. If you don’t know me, I try to get to things a little earlier because I hate being late. Terry who happened to be already near class was already infront of the courtyard facing the lecture hall. He was talking to some chick about something while Amy was there and it looked like she was waiting to talk to him. Like he is some ride at an amusement park. I am sure she would have loved to ride him. So from afar I see this situation, so I figured I would have to fall on the grenade because I am a dope friend like that.
I walk into the scene with the most depressed face ever. Amy happens to see this and comes up to me and asks what’s wrong. I make up this story about how I bombed a midterm or something. I never bomb tests btw. I am a genius like that. Anyways, she says “Aww” and give me a hug. Terry sees this and give me that look. That you are a fucking down ass homie look. I gave him the “imma fucking kick you in the throat look” Obviously, Amy didn’t see any of this. I think she thought if she got to his best friend then she could have an “in” with Terry. Stupid bitch. So after the hug she goes, “we are gonna be late for class” and grabs my hand and leads me into the lecture hall. I look back and Terry is laughing his ass off. Throughout the class, I text terry over and over again how I am gonna shit on his pillow and things of that nature. I couldn’t stand Amy and I was not about to sit the next 2 hours next to her. So eventually, I made some excuse that I wasn’t feeling well and told her to take notes for me. I left walked outta class and Terry followed me. Damn you Terry!
UCLA Dorm Years Part I
Well senior year of high school was pretty uneventful. I was Senior Class Treasurer. Yes Asian dude in charge of the money. (Insert Joke). I did ok in school. I did my fair share of cheating to get decent enough grades. I got into a decent amount of schools but I decided on UCLA. I don’t regret it one bit. I figure I could have gone to any other school but here is why UCLA was pretty awesome. For a pretty decent school, there were a lot of cute girls. I am a firm believer that God is fair. If you are an unusually smart chick then your looks have to be inversely proportional. For the kids that don’t know what that means let me explain. If you are damn smart then chances are you are damn ugly. Sure there are exceptions but if you don’t believe me then check out the MIT campus. Sorry MIT for blowing up your spot but that place had some of the ugliest females I have ever seen. They were really nice though. UCLA seemed to have decently smart girls that also looked decent as well. Sure there were trolls at UCLA too but there were lookers as well.
On top of the decent looking chicks, the dorm food was pretty stellar. According to surveys, UCLA was in the top 5 of best dorm foods across America. These surveys might be off because I was the one conducting them. Anyways, the food was awesome. Only Cornell had better food but the school was damn depressing.
And its West LA. The weather was always good here. Fuck all that snow and rain shit that other cities go through. You can argue that I should have gone to a San Diego school but let’s get serious now, I wanted to go a decent and reputable school.
So the first couple years were spent me gaining massive amounts of weight because of that damn good dorm food. Ughh! I gained a good 60 lbs in college. So the first year, I was paired up to live with an asian kid named Daniel. I guess the people thought it would be funny to pair two asian dudes named Daniel together. Harhar…. My roommate Daniel was very conservative. He would always stay in his room and do whatever it is he did on the computer. He was not too talkative and not that helpful but he didn’t really step on my toes much so that was cool.
The one time I wanted to hit him was I had a girl over and we were watching a movie. Now if I was him, I would have left the room to let the roommate do whatever he needed to do. I thought that was guy code but obviously this guy didn’t get the handout. So the movie we were watching was RoadTrip. And when the titty scene was on the screen, good ole Daniel sees the plethora of tits and yells out “Oh my word!” He then proceeds to look away and I guess he was kinda uncomfortable about the site of areolas. I dunno if he was gay or not but I don’t think a female walked into our room that was his guest.
Being that good ole Daniel was a bit of a square, I usually hung out at my suitemates’ room. Those guys were cool. Brad and Samer were always chill. Brad was an Indian dude that would on a drop of a dime hit that hacky Indian accent. Even though they were part of this Christian fellowship group, they always were able to handle my crassness. We also had some epic video game battles. Samer was a cool dude. I know he would be a lil miffed if I said this but I doubt he will ever read this so fuck it. We all shared a bathroom and every time I walk in the bathroom, I see baby powder in the floor. One day I was so curious that I walked into Samer and Brad’s room and asked if anyone is shooting free throws in the bathroom. (Basketball reference) Samer fessed up and said that he was powdering his sack to keep em from getting all sweaty and sticky. Good to know Samer. Hahah.
The extra plus about UCLA was that my best friend Terry was also a student there. We decided that it would not be good to live with each other because we might get on each other’s nerves. Terry lived at Sproul hall in a triple. That meant there were 3 people living in a small ass dorm room. Terry’s roommates were pretty damn cool. One of them Chris was a very interesting dude. He would cut people’s hair in the communal bathroom. I remember the first time he cut my hair. I took off my shirt and he was laughing at the amount of chest hair I had. I guess he didn’t believe that an Asian dude could have chest hair like I do.
The funniest story involving Chris makes me laugh to this day. So one day, Terry’s female friend Jackie came to visit him. I knew Jackie as well because she lived in my dorm complex. Anyways, Jackie is in Terry and Chris’s room and I notice that she had an unusual amount of arm hair. When I pointed it out, Chris offered to shave it off for her and proceeds to pull out his hair clippers. She says, “I dare you…” To which Chris shrugs and then shaves off a patch of hair. She looks at that bald patch looks up and starts bawling. She runs out crying to which Chris looks at me and says, “Dude, she dared me.” Damn I love that guy.
Howdy Folks. Its been a long time. I am away that I have probably 5 active readers here now. So for those five, here is what has happened and what will happen.
Virginia Tech Show
First of all, shout outs to all the staff members of AASU of Virginia Tech. They were very helpful and showed me around. So when I got booked to the gig I was tripping a little because its the place where that kid shot up 32 people a few years back. I know its a sensitive issue and me having the moral compass of Hilter, I was a bit worried about my material. Should I or shouldn’t I go tell whats on my mind. Personally, I know its a shitty situation and lives were lost but to me comedy comes from tragedy.
I am a bit of an ego maniac at times and when I did a google search, I realized that I am not even in the top 3 most famous cho’s in america. Its John, Margaret and that fucker that shot up people. Honestly, I have been doing stand up for the last 9 years and even though I have done some tv work and did some youtube videos that had some popularity, what this fucker did in a few hours made him more famous than me. Fuckin asshole.
Anyways, VA Tech was pretty cool. I did an hour and 1/2 set. I even got a chance to meet some people that have supported me for a while. Thanks Jamie and Jeff for always supporting and coming to the show. I appreciate it very much.
Jeff’s friends and family told him that he looks like me. I told him he should punch is friends and family.
Anyways, after the gig, we go to this seafood restaurant/bar/club (Yea it was gonna be an adventure). I had a few drinks with the staff grabbed a bit to eat then went to my hotel. The hotel was nice. It looked like a fucking stone manor/castle.
This was taken by hotels.com. When I got there it was just gloomy and raining.
Anyways, at the hotel, I had to be the youngest person at the hotel. There seemed to be some sort of old people’s convention going on. Everyone I saw at the lobby had to be in there 70′s. And although I have looked at gmilf porn before, it is not on my bucket list to bang an old lady with dentures. Ughh. So that was my trip to VA Tech.
One day, I had to throw a party/concert and my first idea, with the help of my friends is coming to fruition.
TEAM PACQUIAO, CRAVE NIGHTS & FR*A PRESENTS..
Halloween Bash 2009
Philippines Disaster Relief Fundraiser
Macy Gray – DJ Nemesis Jaxson on the 1s & 2s
Kaba Modern – MTV America’s Best Dance Crew
David Choi – YouTube Singer / Songwriter
Danny Cho – MadTV, Comedian
Jason Yang – YouTube Electric Violin Virtuoso
Team Pacquiao – Freddy Roach
C.S Lee – Dexter
Leonardo Nam – The Perfect Score, The Fast and the Furious-Tokyo Drift, Vantage Point, The Sisterhood of the Traveling Pants 1 & 2
Aaron Yoo – Disturbia, Nick and Norah’s Infinite Playlist
Justin Chon – Twilight, Just Jordan
James Kyson Lee – NBC’s Heroes
and much, much more (trust us on this!)
VIP tickets will give you access to the Celebrity VIP area to meet all our celebrity guests. VIP tickets are almost sold out so pick up your VIP tickets now!
There will be lots of hot chicks. I will be there. Lots of celebrity appearance. Trust me on this, its gonna be off the chain. For tickets go to : http://framagazine.com/hb09/!
One more thing!
Funniest Story of the Year:
My buddy and I were drunk at a bar and he proceeds to tell me the funniest story I have ever heard.
My buddy KSW tells me that he got his circumcised a tad bit later than normal males. Anything after the first year is a tad bit late in my book. If you remember the surgery then it’s too late. So back to KSW’s story…
He explained to me that his family was pretty poor. Hence they couldn’t afford to do the surgery in the States. During the 8th grade, my homie and his parents go to Korea. While they were there, his mom decided that this was a perfect time for KSW to get a circumcision. KSW and his mom go to the surgeon’s place which he said looked like an “abortion clinic”. (I’ve been to an abortion clinic and it is not a fun place to be at. Just picture a bunch of teenage girls with dead beady eyes because they are about to commit murder. I am pro-choice btw) Anyways, while filling out the paper work, KSW’s mom proceeds to bargain with the doctor. See in Korea, you are used to bargaining for clothes, groceries, sex, etc. However, this mom tries to bargain the price of her son’s circumcision surgery. If someone was doing any type of work on my penis, personally, I want him to be in a content state of mind. In Korean the phrase for please cut down the price for me is “Kkah Kuh joo sae yo” The phrase to ask someone to cut this off is also “kkah kuh joo sae yo.”
Anyways, KSW remembers getting local anesthesia and they gave him a korean comicbook to read while the doctor got to work making him less of a barbarian. He can hear the whole thing: the sound of the cutting, what the doctor is saying. After the surgery, they put a Dixie cup over his cock, and tells him to come back every week. When he walked outside the room, with a bulge in his pants due to a drinking apparatus in his pants, he realized that his mom was gone. He quickly remembered that his mom gave him subway money. Not taxi money because that is expensive apparently. That’s kinda fucked up if you ask me but that’s how most ghetto Korean moms are. So KSW duck walks to the subway station while everyone is staring at him.
He tells me once the anesthesia wore off, he was in some ridiculous pain. I feel bad for the dude. The cherry on top of this whole ordeal is that he was going through puberty at the time so he would have the stitches re-open frequently. As a guy, having a boner is an interesting feeling. I actually enjoy the sensation of blood rushing to the penis. But KSW couldn’t enjoy that sensation. Every morning sucked for him because of the morning wood. Poor dude.
He had to go back to the doctor’s office every week for a month or so. All the doctor did during the follow-ups was put baby powder on his wound and sent him back home. Oh one more thing, the doctor’s said that the stitches would dissolve after a while put apparently they haven’t. He says he has thread in his cock to this day. Poor dude and I feel bad for putting this story all in the open but its too funny to me.
I have been kinda in the lab (cafe mak) writing and trying to come up with another new hour of material. Its been tough and a lot of times I am just caught looking at fobby korean girls in their ed hardy bedazzled hats. Ughh!
Anyways, the reason for this writing is because as a comedian, you always try to write material. George Carlin has 14 HBO specials under his belt. That 14 plus hours of material. That’s crazy! Dave Chappelle did a 6 hour set at the Laugh Factory a few years back. Thats nutty! So when I see geniuses like that, I am always put in check to work harder on the craft.
Unfortunately for me I have had writers block for about 3 weeks. I would sit here for hours just trying to write with stupid bullet points like taking viagra to jerk off. I have no idea where that bullet point will lead to. My other bullet point I wrote down today is “getting into a fist fight over shotgun”. Well enough of me complaining about my inability to come up with something new and fresh. Here is a couple of interesting things that happened recently.
Last Thursday (On Broadway in San Diego)
So I get a call around Noon on Thursday from my buddy Big Phony. He asked if I wanted to go to San Diego to check out Far East Movement. Since, I had absolutely nothing to do that day, I figured sure why not. The show was sponsored by my buddies FR*A.
He head to good ole San Diego. The land of perfect weather and the famous California Burritos. I had my mind set on getting me a california burrito from Super Sergios. Sure there are many burrito joints in SD but I would say, hands down Super Sergios is (imitating Nacho Libre) the best.
So me, the phony, mc mong and sora head to SD. We get there and meet up with DPD, Tommy, Angiewulala, and Kenny. We go to Coronado Island. (Guys: if you want to get your romantic on. I would suggest taking your GF to Coronado Island. If that don’t make her drop her panties for her then she aint worth it. )
Anyways we ate, drank, and was merry. We went back to downtown SD and met up with Afterschool Special and FM. The club was packed. It was fun and FM killed. So after the set I was itching to get Super Sergios. After the typical, 2 hours of fucking around we finally leave and to my utter disappointment, Super Sergio’s was closed. Those assholes!
We ended up at El Coti’s with the folks of allkpop. The food was eh but it was fun nonetheless it was good to take a break for all the madness.
The reason for the madness is because these next few months is going to be non stop traveling and gig everywhere.
First Gig for this coming week is in Virginia Tech!
For all those in the VA area. Holler!