This year has been a year of major reflection and self inventory check. I realize that yes I have a problem. Im angrier and more annoyed that usual. I have been just looking at people this year and seriously wished death on people. That is a big fucking problem. But I guess writing this shit, will help me formulate how to make changes. It’s fucking cathartic.
I have 7 of the 8 symptoms of clinical depression. That’s pretty high. But that don’t mean I am going to fucking take pills and hope shit gets better. Life is always gonna be shitty and tough. All I’m trying to do is find my peace in all this bullshit. As I said countless times, I feel like as time progressed, everyone just got pussy-fied. No one is happy and every oneis claiming that they are depressed. People love to be blame shifting victims and that really drives me insane.
People always tell me that I must love life because I get to do what I love to do. First of all, what I love to do is not necessarily what I am doing now for a living. As of now, this is the only thing I figured that I can do that doesn’t make me want to burn office buildings down. Although Hollywood got a lot of scummy motherfuckers and I have wanted to set a few places on fire. My point is, we set our happiness on accomplishments. From promotions and salary bumps, to certain standards of your mate, and everything in between; we as people have gone all in and believe that reaching these quantifiable milestones will make you happy. Who knows if you will ever accomplish these things but even if you do, I guarantee you that you aint gonna be happy.
And ultimately when people aren’t happy, instead of just saying that people tend to go extreme and say they are depressed. It’s fucking retarded. I know I aint happy and even though I hit many of the symptoms of depression, I wouldn’t call myself depressed. Why? Because somewhere deep down inside, I have a belief. A belief that I will punch myself square in the face and wake the fuck up. Sure I want to do better in my career, and find a chick that whose crazy I can stand enough to look at every morning and be like “Even though there are days when I can’t stand you, Imma be ride or die with you sweetie.” (Very romantic, I know). But let’s say I wont ever reach these things, that don’t mean I’m gonna go bite the barrel of a gun and pull the trigger. Fuck that. I aint going out like that.
According to a shitty google search here are the symptoms of depression:
Overwhelming Sadness
Lack of Energy
Loss of Interest in Hobbies
Weight Changes
Changes in Sleep Pattern
Irritable Mood
Physical Pain
Withdrawal From Society
Now looking at the list, who hasn’t had a few of these things. Aside from the weight changes, I currently have all these things. Although I can’t really decide if my sadness is overwhelming or mild. People will look at this list and try to self diagnose themselves and for the most part they will have at least half of the symptoms above. Why? Because people can’t help being victims. Lack of energy and loss of interest in hobbies? Cmon man. That’s just laziness. And there are a shit ton of lazy fucking people. Myself included. So if you are a lazy ass, you probably gonna gain some weight. So there you have 3 symptoms in one shot. Who isn’t in an irritable mood from time to time? Yea, I am more irritable than most people. Chicks that are PMSing are usually in an irritable mood. So does that mean them bitches are depressed for half a month for the next 30 years?! Get the fuck outta here. AND if you are pissed, don’t you not wanna see people? Ultimately, we need to suck it up and life live.
Why I say I hate people is because a lot of people I have met are weak blameshifting shit dicks. They do nothing to better this planet and on top of that act like they deserve the world. Life don’t owe you shit. Yes, I am in an irritable mood and I am probably gonna be up for the next 8 hours seething. But what do I know right. It’s just a depressed guy talking. Ughh!
I am totally against suicide prevention programs. Yes I know they probably saved a few lives but on a macro level, people that commit suicide are weak. No matter how shitty you think your life is, there is someone LIVING that has it worse and he/she is still trying to make it work. I want to clarify that I truly believe Suicide is wrong. No matter what you believe in, suicide is never the right answer. However, if you want to be a selfish fuck and end your life, well then maybe you should.
We are the only species of animals that try to coddle the weak. I aint a zoologist but I guarantee you that a lion with low self esteem will eventually be wiped out. What happened to survival of the fittest? Why is everyone so hell bent on saving the ones that will bring you down. Cuz you want to be a hero? Cuz you feel like you accomplished something by talking someone down from a ledge? Do you really get off on thinking that you saved a life? Well in all honesty, you probably just made the world a little bit shittier.
Yes, I am sure that on a micro level, people have people close to them that have committed suicide and I am pretty sure it is heart breaking. I know a few people that have taken their lives and it was pretty devastating. Sure I was sad, and I started thinking I could have done something to stop it. But once that bullshit wanting to be a hero moment passed I couldn’t help but be very angry. I was angry because ultimately they couldn’t deal with living. That’s a slap in the face of every single one around them. Hell I’ve talked a few people out of suicide in my life and they seem to be doing ok now. Again I understand on a personal level, it is sad but on a grander scale, suicide is such a pathetic move.
There was a time in my life when I too thought about eating a bullet. And the only thing that stopped me was the realization that it’s a fucking coward move. Kill yourself because you aren’t happy?! Because you are depressed?! Fuck outta here! Everyone , myself included, strives to be happy. And that’s not a bad thing. However, it’s the requirements a person sets for themselves in which they believe will make em happy, that fucks people up. OMG I can’t get a job! Fuck, the love of my life broke up with me. I am getting bullied at school/work! There might be a handful of other things. People that have it worse than you are still plugging away. Why are Korean celebs hanging themselves, while homeless people are still fighting to stay alive. The people that live in landfills of Liberia are still trying stay alive. They fucking eat people out there!
Sure you can argue that everyone’s problems are relatively big to themselves. I totally get it. But what gives someone the right to just fucking quit. I look at it this way. No matter how shitty your life is, living is still better than not. Why? Because there is always a chance things will get better. The 4th quarter comeback is always epic. John Elway never gave up. The Lakers didn’t give up against the Blazers in that one series many moons ago. (They totally gave up against the Mavs two seasons ago. -.-)
Ultimately, I don’t like quitters. Plain and simple. And suicide is quitting on the one game that everyone needs to play and try to win.
I’ve never been interested in politics. Hell I still don’t give a shit really. Ultimately, I know im not an ideal citizen of this country. Buuuuuuuut for the longest time, I was always confused why people are opposed to gay marriage.
Yes, the bible says blah blah blah about homosexuality blah blah blah. God created Adam and Eve not Adam and Steve… (by the way, if people use this as argument against gay marriage, they should go kill themselves, cuz this really doesn’t prove anything.) And quite frankly, how many of you follow every letter of the bible? Some take it too literally, some just don’t take it at all. Depending on how its interpreted, some people will believe that indeed that is what is intended. To me it just seems like the gay thing and the abortion thing are the only things that the“hardcore” Christians or followers of GOD/Jesus seem to have a problem with in current policy. I’m sure im missing some other points but again I don’t want to get into a religious debate so I’ll stop the bible talk here.
So back to the gays…
Look in all honesty, I don’t have many close gay friends. And my knowledge of the plight of the gays is very limited. I do call certain friends gay not because they have boners for naked firefighters but because sometimes they do stupid shit. Hell, when I was younger, calling someone or something gay wasn’t necessarily talking about their sexual orientation. “Dude this new phone is soooooo gay.” Not saying this phone literally sucks dick or takes dick for that matter, rather it meant that the phone was not a good one. “Dude, quit being gay” does not mean, hey you know how you like penis in the ass? Yea stop that… It just meant yo stop being whack.
Sure, I am sure there are better terms but I am not as socially conscious to change my speech pattern to be politically correct. So what am I getting at…
Why are people opposed to gay marriage?
Not letting gay folks marry is oppression due to their beliefs. Correct me if im wrong but I think this country was founded because people were oppressed because of their beliefs. Hell I was told as a child that this is the land of the free. Sure that meant something different for women and black folks throughout the history of this country but we eventually got it right.
I am not saying that this will eliminate homophobia. Just like the end of segregation, did not stop racism against minorities. But hampering citizens of this country to be equal really goes against what this country was founded on.
Sure there are many times I am disappointed in this country that I was born in and am a citizen of. Jersey Shore, Kim Kardashian, Paris Hilton, Arizona, are a few topics I can point at and feel a little embarrassed for the US. But ideally, this country’s system is pretty good. Sure it can be better but there is no such thing as a perfect political system.
In all seriousness, it really doesn’t affect any heterosexual’s life. It wont change my day at all if 2 dudes get married at all. Hell it doesn’t change my day if to dudes blow each other or two chicks lick each others balloon knots. Nothing changes for me. So whats the big fuss? Whether or not you agree with homosexuality, you can’t tell me that a homosexual is less of a person than the hetero next to em.
Here is Louis CK on the subject…
Banning their marriage wont stop em from being gay. So quit being gay and let em get married and have the tax benefits that comes with the marriage.
One day me and my roommate Shane decided to do something dumber than usual. We decided to film something with shitty flip cams and this is what we came up with. Enjoy.
