Posted July 30th, 2012 by

Here is the scumbag podcast with a college friend. We talk about smelly vaginas, martial arts, and a lot of other shit in between. Enjoy.

Posted July 22nd, 2012 by

When I was a kid, I was really close to my cousins. My grandparents had a lot of fucking kids. It was a different time back then so I guess having a big family was a thing of the norm. They had 8 kids. The age difference between the oldest child and the youngest (my mom) is 18 years. Damn my grandparents really got busy.  Ok I apologize for the visual.

Anyways, I had a handful of cousins but there clearly were a few I felt closer to because they were in the same age range as me.  They also lived very close to me when we were kids. But as time went by our parents have all had individual falling outs but I am glad that at least these cousins are still in my life. So we try to get together as we can for cousin dinner.  I guess this is my shout outs to my cousins.

Here are the normal participants of our cousin dinners:

1)      Cousin Joe

Cousin Joe is a few years older than me. He was always the first out of us to do everything. He was the first to get a car. He was the first to smoke. He was the first to get his own place. He was the first person to show me what a porno was. When I was around 12 I was sleeping over Cousin Joe’s place. Around midnight, when his parents and sister were sleeping, cousin joe takes me to the living room and pops in a video in the vcr. He turned the volume down real low. I didn’t know what I was about to watch but I knew it was something of a secret so it was exciting for no reason. When I saw the video, I was like yo this is what having sex really looks like. Before then, I would hear stories from friends catching their older siblings/parents fucking but we were kids so I wasn’t satisfied with their shitty recollections. But watching porn for the first time kind of changed my life. I know this sounds crazy to you but hear me out. It changed my life because it was the beginning of the loss of innocence in me. In essence it’s a start of me growing up. Excuse the pun… So yea after seeing that porn, I remember not being able to sleep. All I could think about was what I saw in the porn. When the dude nutted in the chick (I believe that call that a creampie) my cousin told me sternly, don’t ever drink that. Hahah. He made it sound like I’d die if I drank it.  So from that point forward, I thought cum was poison. Hence, as crazy as I may be, I have never done things like felching. All because Cousin Joe said I shouldn’t.

Cousin Joe was also the first person to get me really high. I smoked weed before but I never really got lit. Maybe its because I was smoking it wrong. Maybe its because I was smoking shitty Mexican seedy/stemmy grass. Anyways, when I was 15, my cousin invited me over to his place in college. We brings out a bong and I had no idea what it was. Back in the hood, all we did was smoke joints so when Cousin Joe brings out the bong, I was nervous. I mean lets be honest, it looks kinda gay. And at 15, anything that looked remotely gay in the hood, you better steer clear from. I see my cousin and his friends take hits off the bong. I was like shit if these older motherfuckers are doing it then I guess it aint too bad. I know I was 15 and had retarded reasoning. So I take a hit out of the bong and damn I remembered coughing more than normal. Like I thought I was gonna not ever stop coughing. I was tripping out. These motherfuckers killed me because of this new method of smoking weed that looks too close to dick sucking. But after a few gulps of water, I was good. I was high as shit. I liked this “I don’t want to move” feeling. After an hour, my cousin says he will drive me back home. I was still high and shit but I would have to meet my parents. I knew it wasn’t a good idea but my cousin lived pretty far so I figured id sober up during the drive. Unfortunately, I was high as a kite at home. I walk into the living room and my mom and dad were watching tv. They look at me and asked me how hanging out with Cousin Joe was. They asked more questions but I hurried to the bathroom. I washed my face, like scrubbed as if to try to wash the high off of me. Again, I had shitty reasoning skills.

I know these aren’t great heartwarming stories but ultimately, Cousin Joe was responsible for me growing up. He always had encouraging words for me even til this day, he always tries to cheer me up when I feel like shit because of the usual heartaches that Hollywood has given me. Cousin Joe was and still is a good dude. Now that he is off to Florida for a cooking internship, I wish him all the best. He deserves great things in his life.

2)      Cousin Esther

Cousin Esther is Cousin Joe’s younger sister. She and I are only one year apart and we went to the same high school. For some odd reason, I always felt very close to esther. Not like a big sister or anything but more like a friend.

Esther was a chubby kid. But when she got into high school, she was part of the cool asian girls group. All her friends were cute. Their uniform of highlights in their hair and darker lipstick, is what I could remember. She would take those wallet sized pictures and hand em out to people with dumb messages in the back. There were some people that collected pictures like that as a hobby. Anyways, she was one of the cool kids. She went to middle school in the area so she already had a group of friends going into high school together.

Unfortunately for me, I transferred from East LA to South Pasadena High School, in the 9th grade. I didn’t know a soul in school except my cousin Esther and my Cousin Joe who was a senior. I knew that even though I knew my cousins, I needed to figure out how to make it out of there on my own. Ultimately, I started hanging out with people that I was familiar with. I hung out with the black kids my grade. Not to sound stereotypical but for some reason, growing up in the hood, I could only relate to people that grow up in similar situations as me. Anyways, when Cousin Esther and I would see each other on campus, it was always a brief hello. I guess a part of me thought I was cramping her steeze if I chilled with her more. I dunno I was weird like that. Anyways, I tried to not run into her at all on campus, even though outside of school we were pretty close.

Anyways, after high school, we went to different colleges but we always talked chatted. Plus one of her good friends in college was also a friend of mine. Esther out of all my cousins, know the most about me. I don’t divulge much of my problems to anyone but if there is a family member that knows the most about me it has to be Esther.

It sucks that Cousin Esther lives in NYC now. I don’t see her as much but everytime I end up in New York. She is the first person I call. And no matter what is going on, she always makes time to see me. Thanks Esther for always being a cool supportive cousin. And I aint lying when I say she is my favorite cousin.

3)      Cousin Jess

Cousin Jess is my youngest uncles only daughter. She is a year younger than me but for some odd reason, I never saw her as an adult. It’s not like I was a good older cousin to her either. It’s one of my bigger flaws. I always treat younger people like they are not adults. Anyways, Cousin Jess used to live very close to me. When I was four, me and her would hold hands and walk to the near by park and feed ducks. I have a picture to prove it.

Anyways, due to a variety of reason, there was a period where me and Cousin Jess didn’t meet. We are talking like about 8 years of not talking. Our parents weren’t cool with each other but I won’t air out their business on my blog.  One day, I said fuck it, Imma get in contact with her. Instead of calling her, I sent her a letter. I was old school baby. That letter got a stamp and everything.

Long story short, we still talk and hang out from time to time. There was a period where Cousin Jess would come to Ktown almost 4 times a week to drink/ party. I would kick it with her and her friends. Even though, I am a bit of a dick to her, she still would call me out to hang out. I have yelled at her quite a few times and looking back I shouldn’t have overreacted a lot of the times.

During one birthday, Cousin Jess got so drunk and she was acting pretty bratty, I had to leave or I’d explode. Granted it was her birthday and she sound do pretty much whatever the hell she wanted to do but instead, I was thinking about how annoying taking care of her was and bounced. She broke a microphone at the karaoke just because she was slamming down the mic everytime she was done singing. I was super pissed but ultimately it was because I wasn’t thinking properly and being selfish.

On another night, my cousin Jess called me out. She said she was drinking with her friends blah blah blah. I ended up there because somehow when a family member calls to hang out, I am the type to go regardless if I wanna hang out or not. So Cousin Jess is pretty damn drunk and she lives pretty far away so there is no way she is driving back home. Not on my watch dammit! So I move her car and take her to my place so that she can sober up. It is definitely something I don’t wanna be doing but I wasn’t about to let her drive drunk. They thing is, Cousin Jess lives with her parents so throughout the night, her mom was blowing up her phone.

Cousin Jess picks up the phone and tells her mom that I called her out to hang out and stay out late. I was like bitch, I didn’t drag you out. Im trying to keep you safe. Don’t be throwing me under the bus. I was upset and don’t remember if actually blew up on her that night. When she was sufficiently sober, I drove her back to her car.  I am sorry for always blowing up and at times I must have cut her down and dismissed her. Clearly, she is a grown ass woman and I should be less stubborn in my ways with viewing people.

Cousin Jess if you ever do get to read this post, I wanted to say sorry for being a dick to you. I am trying to learn that everyone is different. I know at times I am a bummer and I still have a problem filtering but as always, you try your best to hang out and be social with someone like me. A hard headed, antisocial, arrogant asshole. Bless your heart Cousin Jess.

4)      Baby Sister Grace

Grace is my baby sister. We are 6 years apart and even though that doesn’t sound like much of an age gap there was a point in my life when I looked at her as a baby. It must have been tough for her growing up. Given that I was the first born and a boy on top of that, I did clearly see the favoritism. When I asked for a toy or video game, my parents would buy my the new shit. My sister didn’t get that kind of treatment. She always got me the hand me downs.

Grace was always a gifted child. She was unbelievably smart and athletic for her age. She started doing Taekwondo at the age of 3 ½ years old. She was a bit of a taewondo prodigy. To this day, I don’t think I ever saw a kid that was that good in taekwondo. She got her black belt in less than a year. That’s kind of outrageous but she was that good. She actually skipped a grade in elementary school. I’m telling you she was a really bright kid.

I think however, she felt a lot of pressure growing up as my sister. Given that Korean parents are psychotic when it comes to their kids studies, my sister would not only get the pressure of getting good grades in school but doing as well as or better than me. I admit that my sister was way smarter than me growing up. However, getting good grades has more to do with working your ass off than how smart you really are. I guess in a form of rebellion, my sister decided not to study in high school. She probably hated my mom for her nagging about her school work. On top of that, it wasn’t like I was that great of a big brother. Come to think of it, I was not a good older brother at all. I could have been there and talked to her and have a healthier brother sister relationship, but alas I didn’t put in the work.

As I said before, I wasn’t good with people that are younger than me. Particularly, my baby sister, who I’ve heated up a milk bottle for. Whose diaper I changed. Until fairly recently, I always looked at her as a kid. Ultimately, we aren’t really as close as I would like and that is all my fault.

To my beautiful sister Grace, I apologize for not being a good big brother to you. I know now where I fucked up and will try to make changes to fix it. Im sure there are times that you needed me and I wasn’t aware of it, hell maybe even a little apathetic. I am sorry for not being there. Im sure I don’t show it or you don’t ever feel it, I want you to know that no matter what, I love you. Thank you for growing up into a good strong woman.

Posted July 22nd, 2012 by

It seems to me that everytime I talk to someone these days, the topic of marriage and significant others always seem to pop up. It doesn’t matter who the fuck I talk to. Single women I know talk about how there aren’t any good guys left, while single dudes I know just don’t wanna get bogged down by some controlling clingy chick. It got me to think about me and my long hiatus in the relationship game. More importantly, it made me think about what would I need to get married.

Obviously factors like financial stability would play a part in my readiness. However, that’s probably just an excuse I give myself to prove I aint ready for marriage. Ultimately, the reason for the disconnect is really due to the lack of understanding. Women don’t get it from a man’s perspective. Im sure I ain’t touching up on a girls perspective but ultimately I won’t pretend to know it from a chicks POV.

Let me tell you a little story kids. 2 years ago I had a gig at Williams College. Its kinda in the middle of nowhere. Anyways, I get out the train station and there is this real old dude that was hired to pick me up. And when I mean old, I mean this muthafucka saw Passion of the Christ live.  He was a nice old man though. I get in the car and we start shooting the shit. He informs me that he just celebrated his 60th wedding anniversary.  So I ask him what’s the secret to living with someone for that long. He tells me at a certain age, it aint about the looks or sex, he said he married his best friend.

This got me to think. In my younger years, all I cared about was if the chick was tolerable but cute. But the more and more I started dating these types of girls, I realized that even though this cute girls is pretty enough to wake up to for the rest of my life, I hated how stupid and awful her priorities in life were. Other girls weren’t much different. To be quite honest, the one significant other that I completely respected, I actually told her she was moderately attractive on one of our dates. Yea im romantic like that. But looking back at the girls I’ve been with, she was the best because I respected her and I’d like to believe she respected me.

Sure a lot of guys want trophy wives/gfs but somewhere deep down inside, I am sure chicks don’t want to be just arm candy. I mean somewhere in their gold digging hearts, they still want the romantic moments that they saw in movies, and tv shows. They want that John Cusak moment in Say Anything (Horrible movie by the way). They want that Love Actually moment. But being a trophy wife really aint about that. Sure you might get expensive gifts but alas this probably won’t make you happy. So where does that leave us?

This aint romantic. It’s just a fucking movie!

If you are a chick and saw “Aww that so sweet” to this pic, you are a dumb broad.


Posted May 23rd, 2012 by

Its beeen a while. Here is a podcast I did with my buddy Shane Yoon. We talk about actors, racist boners, Kpop girls, and a handful of other things.


Posted April 28th, 2012 by

Giving it up

The main problem with beginning a relationship is sex. Guys wanna fuck the first second they meet you. While a girl, due to social rules, can’t give it up right away without feeling like a whore. In addition, they probably are waiting because a lot of em wanna have sex only when they “like/love/are comfortable with” the guy. This is a big problem because the guy has to wait. They need to do and say all the right things to crack the safe so to speak.

The problem with this set up is a dude really aint being real with the chick. If indeed the girl wants a dude to be honest with them, then they are just gonna have to wait til they give it up. My solution is really simple. Girls should just give it up right away. That way the dude can be honest. Its like getting that shit out the way so yall can be normal with each other. Trust me, a lot of dudes will thank you for being cool about it. As much as you are taught that your vagina is special and magical, it really isn’t. That’s why guys cheat. I don’t support cheating by any means but lets go over some random celebrities that cheated. Hugh Grant cheated on Elizabeth Hurley with a 3 dollar hooker on Sunset. That hooker looked all kinds of awful. Tiger Woods cheated many times with many different girls and all of them aren’t close to gorgeous compared to his wife. Kobe and the white girl from Denver. They didn’t even better deal these bitches. They just wanted pussy. And women need to know that this is our biggest Achilles heel. We are just wired to wanna fuck so get over that shit.

The husbands of the the women on the left cheated on them with the mutant women on the right.

I know that women are taught to guard that moneymaker and use it sparingly. All I’m saying is that if yall are gonna complain that guys change after sex, then remember this post. Please understand that this is a post is just an explanation on how we think.

Sure you have the chance of looking like a whore but who gives a shit what one dude and his friends think. Somewhere in this world, someone already thinks of you as a bitch, slut, etc. So fuck it.