Posted April 21st, 2011 by

I often tell people that I hate people. I know it comes off as asshole-ish but let me explain because I don’t want people to think I’m some weird perv hermit asshole. I AM NOT A HERMIT…

I haven’t lived long compared to a lot of folks. I figure once you hit your 60s you have the right to claim that you have enough life experiences to dishing out advice. But as I am sitting here in a café in Ktown, I realized that people as a whole are weak, retarded, pussies.

I know everyone’s problems are relative. It’s a big deal to them regardless of how ridiculous it is in the big picture. People are using FML for a lot of things. Oh my god, the salon fucked up my hair. FML… Oh shit I got a flat tire. FML! OMG! School is Killing me. It’s sooo hard. FML!

For you folks that aren’t knowledgeable with lazy internet acronyms, FML stands for fuck my life. Anyone that uses this should get POFed. (Punched in Face). Look you silly bastards, life is way harder. Your problems undoubtedly are crap and you are being dramatic. If your hair was messed up by the salon wear a fucking hat and deal with it.

Sure technology is great. I grew up in a time when it took almost a whole fucking day to put a picture online, when you had to stay in a 3ft radius to make a phone call. My parents in their time used to shit in holes in the ground. But with all these advances, why are we such pussies?

I was informed that the US has to pay foreign companies to take our trash. Then they use our trash and make products and sell it back to us.  How in the fuck does that make sense? We are truly fucked as a society. Sure there are places like North Korea that got their shit even way more backwards than say the US but we aint shit and people aint doing anything about it.

We are not longer the 92 Dream Team. We are not number 1 in anything except producing stupid muthafuckers.

I did a stint at a tutoring place. I was assigned to tutor a bunch of kids and for the most part they were ok kids but pure pussies. There was one 18 year old kid I was tutoring. He did not know how to solve this problem:

If a carpenter had a  4ft 2inch board and he cut of 2ft 8inches, how much would he have left.

I was so shocked that I actually kicked his ass. Our education system is shit. We got some dumbasses  pouring out of schools all across the country. School stress aint hard kids. Trust me on this. Raising children in a big city is fucking hard. Figuring out how to send your dumbass to school is hard. And I am not talking about just book smarts. There is a lack in common sense and street smarts as well.  I have very little hope for the future.

Another reason I have problems with people as a whole is the drinking culture of the areas around me. I am not opposed to drinking booze. Shit I do it all the time. So much so that I have gout now. But when did drinking become a who has the bigger dick contest? Same with weed. When did it make you that much cooler that you can smoke a shit ton? Because that’s what it seems like these days.  “Oh you drank 3 glasses of scotch? I drank 5.” I’m just give em a look like do you want a prize asshole?

I hate people because for the most part they don’t keep it real. I don’t mean keep it real as in keeping it hood and gangsta. You can keep that silly shit to yourselves. What I mean by keeping it real is be honest? Sure there are times you need to be fake. Like job interviews, and shitty relationships, but dammit no need to front. Also take ownership of your actions. There are so many blame dodging, victims around me that it makes me sick. “I don’t know why people always take advantage of me.” It’s probably cuz you are a dumbass.

Ugh im gonna stop writing because I am getting more and more angry.

Posted April 19th, 2011 by

Girls tell each other everything. EVERYTHING! Guys don’t tell their guy friend everything in detail. Let me explain:

When I was way fatter, I had a rash on my stomach because my stomach skin was being irritated by the waistband on my pants. (Pants were too tight and I was broke to buy larger pants.) So only 3 people on the planet knew about this rash. Me, My GF at the Time, and my Dermatologist. On one particular Christmas, her friend, who aint a pharmacist, gave me rash cream as a Christmas gift. When we got home me and my gf at the time got into a huge fight. She was like I don’t give a fuck if your friends know about me. I have nothing to hide. So from that day on my friends called her freddy kreuger pussy. She had the ugliest vagina I have seen to date. And I have seen a lot. It look like her cunt was set on fire and put out with a wet chain. That shit will give you nightmares. Needless to say Nightmare on Elm Street pussy and I broke up. I guess it was too embarrassing for her to know that a lot of people knew she had beef jerky pussy.

Posted March 18th, 2011 by

So this past week, the internet was going crazy about this White Chick’s video and her hate of Asians. If you haven’t seen it, here ya go:

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So after letting it simmer a bit, I got bored and decided to do a response video. It didn’t really piss me off but I was bored so here ya go…

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Posted February 10th, 2011 by

Being in the Entertainment business where Hollywood gives your soul a bukkake, I have met a lot of people that I wish would get hit by a bus. Sure it’s not right to wish ill upon people but that’s just nice folks talk. If you haven’t figured it out by now, I ain’t that nice. Here are some types of people that I want to shit in their toilet tanks (AKA upper decker) everyday:

1) Delusional Folks

There are lots of folks in this industry that think they are the shit. I mean I am all for being confident with your art, whether its singing, rapping, comedy-ing, film making, designing, programming, and whatever else you do for a living. However, there is a fine line between confidence and about to get a beat down. That line is there to let you know you shouldn’t cross it not to long jump over that bitch.

You ain’t that good muthafucka. If you were you would have already been discovered and making enough money to wipe your ass with a Grant or at least a Jackson. Sorry, I don’t know the pictures of any other countries currency. But the fact of the matter is, there is someone that will always be better than you. So sip on some of that humble tea laced with 3 table spoons of shut the fuck up.

There are a lot of people around me that call themselves actors, comedians, models, film makers, etc. Here is a message to them:

· Just because you did some student films and took some acting classes don’t make you an actor. Just because you did a short film that somehow made it to some shitty film festival, don’t make you an actor. So don’t go telling people you are an actor if you aint even on IMDB. If you are on IMDB make sure more than 1000 people have seen the project. If not, go work on your craft some more.

· A good buddy of mine, who is a very successful comedian, once told me, you can’t consider yourself a comedian unless you have at least 50 shows under your belt at a comedy club. And if you consider yourself a Youtube comedian then stop reading right here and go take a gun and shoot yourself. In my opinion, stand up is one of the hardest art forms. Sure I don’t know how to sing or draw so I aint too sure but stand up is fucking tough. You have to make the audience laugh every time you are on stage. Which may seem easy but it really isn’t. Just because you did well at an open mic night where a ton of your friends came don’t make you a comedian. Remember that when you bomb a set and feel like committing suicide.

· Just because you got a profile on model mayhem don’t make you a model. Just because you posed for a clothing line that sells 20 t-shirts a month don’t make you a model. Just because you think you are pretty and go to “casting calls” don’t make you a model. Also remember you aint gonna look like that for too long so you may wanna figure out a new profession.

· Don’t think that your 3-5 minute short film is the best thing to be put on film since Citizen Kane. Don’t approach actors like this will help launch them into superstardom. You probably aint that good if you are whining about not getting any breaks. So suck it up and work on your craft more before you come out again.

· To all entrepreneurs out there. Please keep the hustling and keep your mouths shut. Lots of people think their business model and brand is gonna be the next facebook, GAP, or whatever brand/company you can think of. The reality of it is, most of the times, your company wont even get close. Hell, some of yall might not even last. So keep hustling and stop poppin off. There will always be a more successful brand or company than yours. You aint the best programmer, designer, tshirt maker, clothing line, so be humble and shut the fuck up.

I AM NOT TRYING TO KNOCK ANYONE’S HUSTLE. Don’t get me wrong… If you are in these industries and you are doing your thing, more power to yall. All I am saying is that keep your head down and be humble. Confidence is ok but don’t act like your shit don’t smell.

2) Name Droppers

I fucking detest these cum stains on the bedsheet of life. I don’t give a fuck what your “famous friend” said the other day. I don’t give a fuck who you are close to. Most of these name droppers talk a big game. “Oh, I can get you into contact with this “FAMOUS PERSON”. I am sure he can help you with your career. Yall will get along great.” I have been told some variation of this about 100 times in my life. I have yet to meet that person. Most folks that name drop do so because they want to show that they are connected and cool. You aint that cool. So instead of telling me stories about an epic night with a star, and tell me how close you are to those people, why don’t you do something cool.

I am not sure if I wrote this story on this site before but here is the type of shit I go thru often.

I met up with a friend at a bar. He was there with some of his homies. So I go say wassup to my boy, and he says, “Yo my friend here is an actor. Yall should connect.” So I say wassup to this dude. “ I go so you are an actor. What are you working on?” This vessel of shit says “I don’t know if you have heard of him but I am working on a project with Harvey Weinstein.” I wanted to Tiger Uppercut this dumbass.

There are some people that name drop people that aren’t famous or powerful. WTF! They should be set on fire. This one guy name dropped an Asian Party Promoter to me once. I almost spit in his face. I HAVE NOTHING AGAINST PARTY PROMOTERS. I am friends with quite a few of them. But please don’t tell me you can get me into an Asian Party at some club in Hollywood. Save that ticket for a 21 year old chick that still thinks its cool to order an Adios Motherfucker.

Posted January 9th, 2011 by

So a lot of people are posting up the video of the homeless dude with the golden voice. I get it. He has a crazy voice that you wouldn’t expect from a bum. But enough already. Sure it’s a cool story where the guy got a second chance in life. He got to take a shower and got a job. But this shit is getting ridiculous.

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I don’t want to be walking around Downtown LA (homeless capital of LA) with all these bums singing and dancing in hopes of getting discovered. No need to watch the Thriller video live. The music video was long enough. The reason I am kinda not impressed is because sure he has a good voice but so does a lot of hardworking people. Why does this homeless guy get a new lease on life.

That’s like a decent dancer being down on his luck. Being homeless for a bit and then someone films him pop lockin, he gets a million plus hits and he goes on Ellen or Oprah show that will give him some press. What about the people that have similar or even better talents and yet this guy gets a new house and a job.

Mr. Ted Williams apparently was in the business before. Plus this dude had a pretty long rap sheet and is trying to kick a drug addiction. So for us to get all caught up on this media bullshit about some fuck up with a gang of kids who got lucky because of someone’s flip cam, is ridiculous. In the words of my good buddy PSUN, Fuck that foo!